Holiday Cheer and welcome the New Year!

Just the other day after someone mentioned it, I realized that we were heading into a new decade! I've been concentrating so much on just another new year and sixty years of being here on this planet for me that I didn't even conceive of the idea of another ten years. It certainly doesn't seem like ten years since all the world was waiting to see what would happen with the Y2K thing. All around the world on New Year's Ever celebrations like never before were going on and I watched them all day on the telly from our flat in Harlow, Essex, UK. The fireworks were beautiful, computers didn't crash, the world didn't go offline and all was well with the world.

One thing is for sure I never gave having breast cancer a second thought ten years ago. No one in my family had ever had it well not on my side of the family. The other side, my sister-in-law Jeanie's family is one of those families that has carried the breast cancer gene through several generations. Chemotherapy is not fun these days but back thirty years ago poor Jeanie was in bed for days after a treatment. With all her pain and illness she showed me what a positive attitude and faith can do.

Many years later her daughter, Tina would face the same challenge and with two active young sons and a full time job, she didn't have time to be sick. I'm not sure how many of the women in that family have had breast cancer but they have a saying "it's not if I have breast cancer, but when." These brave women are and have been my inspiration for years and so when I was diagnosed I knew that the only thing I could do was do what the "Tarkington" women do and be tough, strong, have faith and a positive attitude. That has been the 'key' to my recovery this year and so I would like to say a special thank you to those special ladies, you are wonderful and I love you.

Now on to the new year and new beginnings, my scans are all clear, my port is out and my energy level is almost back to 'normal' if there can ever be 'normal' after going through breast cancer. I'm looking forward to celebrating life on this earth for sixty years in February. I do have to admit that there have been some times during the holidays that I've been a little depressed because I am alone but those times haven't lasted long when I am reminded of my lovable family and my awesome friends, how could I be sad and lonely.

Christmas was great and I can almost breath the new year. I haven't made any resolutions because I always break them, but I do hope and pray for a healthier, happier new year for myself and for all my sistas who are fighting the battle, we are warriors and we can fight like girls!

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND GOD BLESS YOU!

Happy Thanksgiving

Well here it is only a few days left until Turkey Day! I can remember a few Thanksgivings that my family didn't eat turkey, we had tacos, chili, or catfish. It doesn't matter exactly what you have to eat on Thanksgiving does it, it's being thankful for having the food on the table but more importantly, having the family and friends at the table.

This year I do have so much for which to be thankful. Life, I can honestly say is what I am most thankful for this year. Not just mine but those of my family and friends that I hold so dear in my heart. There's nothing like a little thing called cancer that will wake us up and remind us how precious life is and that we are only here for a short lifetime regardless of how long we live. Let me tell you, the older you get the shorter your lifetime. So I'm very excited about this Thanksgiving and the holiday season and I certainly intend to enjoy everything! The family, the food, the singing, sharing laughs and making memories.

After Thanksgiving I'll be ready to turn my Christmas lights on. I worked last weekend on getting them up and it wasn't too big a mess or there weren't too many lights that didn't work. I'm so glad that I have the energy to get them up and ready. I just love everything about Christmas. But I can tell you I won't be one of those wild crazy shoppers on Black Friday. I'll be eating leftovers at my mom's, I'm crazy but not that crazy LOL and I'll be getting ready to have my port removed on Monday the 30th.

I'll really be glad to get the port out. I'm praying, hoping and thinking positive that I will never need one again and I just don't want to spend a year or two going every month to have it flushed. It would seem to me that I was always having some kind of treatment. So getting the port out and having clear scans by the end of the year will be like the best Christmas present I could have. Of course if anyone has loads of money that they don't need and want to send me on a two week vacation to some tropical island, that would be a great gift as well! :) Really though, I'm just so thankful and happy to be sitting here writing this blog and sharing my thoughts.

Have a wonderful Happy Thanksgiving, enjoy, no matter what's on the table!

The Calm After The Storm

It has been awhile since my last post and I have to admit, I've just been lazy and not quite sure what to write. I finished my radiation and my burns have healed, I'm beginning to feel more energetic and I'll have a mammogram at the end of the month.
The only real side effect of the Femera seems to be night sweats at least so far that's all I've noticed.

It doesn't seem like 10 months since I started this journey but it was exactly 10 months ago today that I was diagnosed and of course my life hasn't and never will be the same. After the mammogram I'll see Dr. Hagans, the breast surgeon again. Normally I would dread a mammogram and it's not that I'm looking forward to it, I'm just looking forward to hearing that everything is clear, at least that what I'm hoping and praying for.

I still have my infusion port but my cancer doctor has given me clearance to have it removed before the first of the year. Normally she likes to keep them in a year or two but they have to be flushed every month and that does get expensive. We're thinking positive and hoping I never need another one. Dr. Hagans who also placed my port said on my last visit that it was a little loose anyway. So when I see him the first of November we'll set a date to take that sucker outta there. In December I'll have my six month scans as well.

Isn't it amazing that 2010 is right around the corner? Before we know it the holidays will be here and we'll be making busy making plans. I'm looking forward to having hair again for Christmas...I'll be singing all I want for Christmas is a full head of hair, instead of my two front teeth. LOL No matter what the rest of the year brings, I'm thankful to be finished with all my treatments and to feel better, but I'll never take life for granted again!

And it burns burns burns, that radiation burns!

Since my last post I've had 14 more radiation treatments. Today I had the last one to the overall breast and underarm area and tomorrow I will have either 8 or 10 what they call "booster" treatments to the tumor area on my breast. So I am near the end of my treatments and can now say that yes radiation treatment burns.

A couple weeks ago I noticed that my under arm was feeling more sensitive than normal, you know after lymph node removal you have that numb sensitive feeling. Then last week I noticed that my breast and under arm was starting to get a little red and by the weekend feeling a even more tender. Since I didn't know what to use on it I just used the Udderly Smooth cream and that seemed to soothe it pretty much. That is until Monday morning when I woke up with this aching hot raw skin under my arm.

When I went Monday to have my treatment the doctor looked at it and said yes that looks pretty painful but said I would be getting relief from that area when my booster treatments started in two days. The radiation techs wrote down the name of a cream, Lidocane plus extra strength, and said a lot of people use it and say it's very good. It does seem to soothe and make it feel better but knowing that the radiation is still working in my body makes me wonder just how much worse this burn is going to get before it heals.

I've never really been badly sunburned in my life so I can't even relate to that; however, I've seen some pretty bad sunburns before. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't under my arm right in the bend and of course where skin rubs skin. I keep telling myself though that this will heal, I only have a few more treatments to go and then it will all be over and in a couple months I'll be good as new.

Never will I ever say, I'll be back to normal because after cancer your life is never back to normal. There are cancer free months or years but how can you ever be the same after going through everything that goes with cancer treatment? It changes you not only physically but mentally as well. So I'll just say that I can look forward to not being in treatment and getting my hair back, my strength back and not having to plan my life around my cancer treatments.

Life is good even when we have to suffer and go through pain, there is hope and healing in the end.

Radiation

Today I had my 11th radiation treatment. Everyone keeps asking me how I feel and if the radiation makes me tired or if there are any bad side effects. In all honesty I really have to say that I don't know. The doctor said it might make me feel tired. Well I felt tired before I started radiation because I had just finished my chemo treatments and had a hysterectomy. He also said there might be some redness or blistering of the skin in the breast area or under my arm. That hasn't happened yet so hopefully that won't be a problem. So all in all I guess radiation is a 'piece of cake' compared to chemo, so whoever it was that told me that, they were right.

I have 22 more treatments to complete this phase of my recovery and then I'll see Dr. Harrington again. After that I should only have to see her about every 3 months for a year or so. I also will have another mammogram in September and see Dr. Hagans my breast surgeon and then I don't know how often I will have to see him for checkups and mammograms. It does at last feel like I can actually almost touch the light at the end of the tunnel. This is a great feeling and I am hoping and praying that things continue to go well and that the cancer stays gone!

Really I'm actually feeling pretty good even though I still have a low energy level. Last week I had a stomach bug and I was so sick. As I was sitting on the throne with a trash can in my arms, sweating like crazy, I thought how ironic that I went through chemo and was never sick. I was also reminded of how fortunate I was to have gone through all my chemo treatments without being sick because I know there are a lot of folks who have been very ill during theirs.

All in all life is good and I'm happy to be in it!

PS: The cyst did have a tumor which was a low grade stage one cancer and since all they do for stage one is to remove it, I don't need any further treatment for that. So I never have to see that Dr. again. Hallejuhah!

Spider surgery! It's over! Yippee!!

Hello all! Well surgery is over, I'm doing great just a bit sore but Dr. Stone used the Da Vinci Robotic system to do the surgery so I'm actually doing great! The anesthesiologist said he was using the Michael Jackson drug to put me to sleep but he knew what he was doing. LOL I found that reassuring. He was such a happy guy when he came into the room I asked him if he'd been on the gas himself. I did get to see the robot machine but it was up against the wall so of course I didn't get to see it in action. As soon as I saw my doctors face I was a gonner and woke up 4 hours later in recovery. It took 4 hours to do the surgery, but the nurse was telling us that when they first started using the system it took 13 hours. She told me this because she said they tilt you up with your head down and that I might have some swelling in my face so not to be alarmed. It's amazing what you can learn if you ask questions! LOL

The questionable cyst was sent off to pathology and I'll know the results when I go back for my follow up on July 20th, but everything else in the area there looked good and was clear of disease. I spent the nite in the hospital and the highlight of the evening was when my friend Debbie came to visit and pick up mom.

Her and my mother were discussing the way the room was setup. Since the hospital has now gone to all private rooms, in the old part of the hospital, which is where I was, the rooms now only have one bed. Well the bed was near the window and mom and Debbie discussed how it would be much better for me if the bed was on the other side of the room and it would also make it easier for any visitors. Debbie is one of those people who needs to be doing something and I could tell it was really bothering her, so I asked her if she wanted rearrange the room and she said yes she did. So I got up and her and mom rearranged the room. There was a buzzing that wouldn't stop after they got everything changed so I called the nurse, but we realized before she got there that it was the bed buzzing because it had not been locked.

When the nurse walked in she just cracked up but did say that it was much better that way. In fact every nurse or anyone who came in that worked there made comments about how much better the room was. I tried to catch the action on my camera on video but because I was so loopy on all the meds I didn't manage to get it done. It was really entertaining though watching them unplug this and that and I decided if you ever need a room rearranged or decorated, call Debbie, she can get it done!

Now as I wait to hear about the results of the biopsies, I'll go Monday the 13th to be molded, marked and ct scanned to start my radiation on Wednesday. I'll have 33 treatments so if I don't have to miss any, I should be finished by the end of August. One more step is complete in my road to recovery and I start the last Wednesday. I'm feeling good even with my sore belly and as always, thankful for your prayers and support.

Clear Scans and blue skies!

Wednesday I went to see Dr. Harrington my oncologist for the results of my scans on Monday June 29th. The last ones had been clear so I was hoping that these would too and they were. I didn't sleep much the night before. I didn't have to go there for another chemo treatment and that was great, but even though I had a positive feeling about the scans, hearing the all clear from the doctor was what I was waiting for.

It's been 3 and half weeks since my last chemo and I'm beginning to get some strength back. I don't feel as tired and I'm not as short of breath. I can actually walk out to my mailbox and back without feeling exhausted! At the end of my work day I don't feel as tired and I even drove a van full of clients to Little Rock last week which I haven't been able to do since about the middle of my chemo. I have stubbles on my head so my hair is beginning to grow back but it will be awhile before you can actually see any.

Tomorrow I go to Little Rock to UAMS for my pre operation work and test for my hysterectomy on Thursday. Even though the doctors think the cyst on my ovary is most likely just a cyst, there is a small chance that it could be cancer. The waiting is agonizing and so I'll be so glad to get this over with and of course to hear the ALL CLEAR on that end too, literally! LOL

There going to do robotic surgery hopefully which is less invasive, shorter hospital stay, only over night, and less recovery time. The doctor said it looks like a big ol spider, but assured me they wouldn't just program the robot and leave and go to lunch. I told her it was good thing because I didn't want it looking for a prostate!

So so far I've got clear scans and blue skies and I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY WEEKEND!
I'm thankful for the men and women through the years who fought to make our country free!

End of Chemo Pics!

Ringing the bell means the end of your chemo!

No More Chemo!

My friend Val from Cordova Tn, sent me this ribbon on Wednesday to celebrate my graduation! She's the one that also sent me the lovely bracelet when I was first diagnosed. Thank you so much Val for your friendship, thoughts and prayers and your gift of love and hope.

Wednesday June 10th, I graduated from chemo treatment! Someone donated a bell wall plaque to the chemo treatment room in Little Rock where I go to the doctor. It has a neat saying on about ringing the bell three times to declare that your chemo treatment is done. I never heard anybody ring the bell since I started going although I do know that some folks have completed their treatments since I was there, I just wasn't there on the day they had their last treatment. But Wednesday I got to experience first hand being the bell ringer.

When you are finished with your treatment, one of the nurses proclaims to the room that "we have a bell ringer" and you go up to the plaque and read the inscription out loud and then ring the bell three times to proclaim your end of chemo! It's a celebration that only starts there with the ringing of that bell. There is such a relief, a feeling of freedom and triumphant victory at completing one stage in your treatment of cancer when you know that is the last treatment.

I got to move the last pink bracelet to my left wrist, leaving my right wrist, pink free! I got to ring the bell to proclaim my chemo was over. I got to celebrate by eating at the Red Lobster with Jimmie who has been such a wonderful support person and always there. I stopped to visit my longest and such a dear friend from childhood, Reba on the way home and to top it off had a strawberry shortcake from the Bulldog resturauant in Baldknob. When I got home on Wednesday I was totally exhausted but even so, I've never felt so good. It's just great to know that there is NO MORE CHEMO!!!

Have a great weekend! When I get the pictures of the plaque and bell I will post them here for you to see!

Changes

Last week at work we received a memo from our CEO informing us that our company is struggling. In order to prevent lay offs, everyone in the company, including him would be required to take one or two days leave without pay a month depending on your salary. Hopefully, he wrote, that by September everything would be good and we would return to normal. A day without pay is a sacrifice that will no doubt be harder on some of us than on others, but it's the way it has to be and I sure hate to think of anyone being layed off. Changes take place and we just learn to deal with them, roll with the punches and pray that things will be okay.

I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and all the changes that have taken place in my life have been for some reason. No matter if the changes have caused hurt, emotional, physical or in the case of the leave without pay day, financial stress, it all happens for a reason and we grow, learn and become stronger because of the changes. Having cancer brings about major changes in your life and some of them are for the better.

Since I was diagnosed with BC I've been more aware of everything around me and things that I normally take for granted are precious to me now. Each day's a blessing and regardless what I'm doing for the day, I'm glad I'm alive to do it. I have a job that I love so going in to work is something I look forward to anyway, hanging and doing things with friends is always a pleasure, being with my family is precious time spent and even just being at home sitting outside on the porch listening to and watching the birds is a wonderful experience. At anytime, any of this events could change, people come into our lives everyday and some leave. Seasons change, the birds fly south, and companies change their policies and procedures.

Life is a series of changing events and a lot of times we can't do anything to control those events so we just hang in there and do the best we can. For those of us who have been diagnosed with cancer, we hang on with both hands, our feet and every ounce of strength we have. We celebrate little things such as finishing a round or cycle of chemo or radiation and most definetly, clear scans and test results. I'm thankful that mine have all been good and I'm so excited about completing my cycle of round number six on Wednesday of chemo.

I've got 5 pink braclets on my left wrist each one represents one round of chemo, I only have to put one more on that wrist to complete my cycle. When I start my radiaton, I'll move them back to my right wrist and each week I complete of radiation, I will move one back to my left wrist. It's a visual aid that reminds me, as if I needed it, LOL that my treatments are coming to an end and the changes that they have caused within my body are all for the good! So I say let's celebrate change and enjoy life, one pink braclet at a time!

Battery Life!

About a month ago I bought a new cordless weed eater because I couldn't pull start my other one. So this cordless one has two batteries that you charge up and just plug into the weed eater and then push the button and do the job. Each battery last about 15 minutes. It's the perfect chemo weed eater because when the battery on the weed eater runs down, so does mine! You can put the other battery in for another 15 minutes work but I'm finding that I need a recharge myself before I use the other battery.

Other folks who've experienced chemo told me that the more chemo treatments you have the more exhausted you get and I really believe that now. The first couple of treatments didn't seem to bother me too much as far as a big drop in energy. I mean I've never been a mountain climber or long distance runner so I'm kinda a snail energy person anyway. LOL I do believe that having started a daily exercise program last summer did help to get me in better shape and more prepared for chemo. Lord knows how hard it might have been if I was still a couch tater!

I can really tell the drop in energy though this last chemo. My blood counts have been lower this time and I just tire so easily. Thank goodness I only have one more chemo to go. I do love to work out in my yard but this year if I can just keep the grass looking decent I'll be happy. It doesn't take too much energy to get on my little red lawn mower and cut the grass and I can weed eat one battery at a time. I'm just thankful that I have the energy to take care of my house, a large yard and work a full time job.

There are days like today though that I don't feel as well, that I don't sleep much and when the alarm goes off in the morning I'm just too tired to get up. I haven't had many of them but last night was not a good night for me, I didn't sleep well and I had some of those body aches felt sick. I turned my alarm off and instead of putting my feet on the floor, I put my head back down on the pillow and fell asleep. I woke up and it was almost 9am, feeling a bit disoriented I called in to work and told them I wouldn't be in this morning. I have felt like I've been in a daze all day but I'm beginning to liven up a bit and my battery feels like it's recharged at least some.

I'm feeling positive and excited that next Wednesday is my last chemo. I'm wondering now how long it will be until my hair grows back, how long it will be before I start feeling more energy and how the radiation is going to effect me. At least another process in my recovery will be complete and I and I will live my life for now, one battery at a time!

# 5 On the downhill slide!

Well here it is Memorial Day Weekend at the end of May and whod'a thought in January that I'd be in chemotherapy. Life just happens and even though we can plan for our retirement, for our vacations, to plant a garden, do this or that, we can't nor do we want to plan for cancer. When it happens we just deal with it and do what we have to get through the best we can.

That's what I've done for the past few months and now I'm finished with round number 5 of my 6 rounds of chemo. It certainly is very draining and I find myself getting exhausted very easily these days. My fingernails and toenails are turning dark, my skin is getting dryer, and my mouth is much more sensitive. I have to use a baby tooth brush or sometimes just qutips because my gums bleed so easily. My head is very sore and I'm not sure if I'm growing or losing more hair. LOL

These things are really only trivial compared to the havoc that others have to endure. I still feel very fortunate that my body is tolerating the chemo this well. I can paint my nails to cover up the dark ugly nails, use buckets of udder cream to put moisture back in my skin, rinse my mouth with the baking soda and salt rinse and take lots of Tylenol for the aches and pains that the Neulasta shot causes. These things are only temporary and soon my chemo will be complete.

After my last chemo, I'll have more scans and if they are all clear then I'll start the 6 weeks of radiation. Although I'm certainly not looking forward to that, it's just yet another process in the road to recovery and that is the name of the game. RECOVERY!

Have a great holiday weekend and since it's Memorial Day Weekend.. makes some memories!

All Clear on number 4!

Great news! Yesterday I had my 4th chemo and got the test results of my all my scrans from Monday, hallejuhah they were all clear with the exception of course of the cyst on my ovary that we are watching and taking care! It does appear that I have arthritis in most of my body, is that old age or can I blame this on the chemo.. surely it has to be the cancer, the chemo or something.. I'm only 39 right Tina? LOL

It does seem like the 4th chemo went very fast and I made some new friends who happen to be from Batesville or all places. Fred and Anna, she was there to get a treatment for Hogkins Lymphoma I beleive she said. They acutally live right around the corner from me. And I got an email address from Stepanie another breast cancer survivor because her treatments are changing and I may not see her again in treatment, but we plan on meeting up at the Race for the Cure in October. It's always great making new friends but I surely my the ones I had already are the ones who make is so easy to go through all this and so again I have to say thank you to them.

Jimmie brought me down to chemo and stayed with me taking naps in his truck and then took me to Chili's where he fed me and handed me off to Angella who brought me back to his house of the river..my haven and Jmmmie says, "my bed and breakfast". Brent, Angella's fella, a very sweet guy, was able to meet us at Chili's as well. He was my hero the first trip I had to make to Little Rock to see Dr. Hagans when we had that huge ice storm. Angella was going to take me and Brent came to our rescue, and we certainly were happy to see him! So I salute my hero's Jimmie and Brent and I am eternally grateful for Angella and her continuous friendship for the past almost 7 years now.

Back at the river house I relaxed, enjoyed sitting out on the porch swing watching the river, soaking in that big ol tub and watching the American Idol results show. Our Arkansas boy is still in the race and now it's going to be even harder because I think the four that are left are very good and they will most likely have wonderful music careers regardless of who wins the title.

Well I'm getting rained on out here on the porch this morning so I'm retreating to the house, a shower, a cup of coffee and then unfortnately, pack up and back to Batesville to take my Nuelasta shot and then get back to the work grind. I'm happy.. I'm satisified and I'm so grateful that even though cancer does suck.. therer is truely a light at the end of the tunnel.. so if you can't see it in the begginng.. just keep looking.. you'll see it.. OHHHH I'M GETTING WET.. HANG ON LAPTOP..

Look Good Feel Better

Monday I went to a Look Good Feel Better program session. It's a program service for women with cancer who are going through chemotherapy and other treatments that helps them look better and then of course feel better. The sessions last about two hours and you get a bag with free makeup from sponsors like Clinique, Avon, Channel and other name brands. I also got to order a wig and was given a used one. I don't know if all of the LGFB programs do this but we did here in Batesville. It was a pretty neat experience and I got to take my friend Reba with me. She didn't get the free makeup and she doesn't need a wig but she is interested in volunteering for the program, in fact we both would like to be volunteers in this program but we have to go through training and they don't' have it too often. It is a very good service though and I really appreciate the founders of this program. I hope some day that I can give back for all the has been given to me.

Last Friday I went to a mini Relay for Life and walked a survivors lap, it felt good to think of myself as a survivor. It was only a small crowd but a lot of people were there walking. It was sponsored by the Batesville school district elementary schools. The schools had different booths and were selling raffle tickets, cupcakes, and other things. My friends Kevin and Katie were there to walk the lap with me. Katie's daughter, Sullivan is in the Westside performing arts school and they did a dance routine. The kids were so cute performing their routines. The big Relay for Life is May 29th and I'll be there for that one too and I'm going to a Survivors Banquet May 22nd. Then in October I'll be going to Little Rock to walk and take part in the Race for the Cure, for Breast Cancer...

On another note, I picked up the two bottles of barium contrast to drink on Sunday night and Monday morning for my scans. I have been scheduled for a bone scan, brain scan and CT scans of the chest, gastric tract and pelvic area. Since nothing has ever showed up in any of my scans except for the cyst on my ovary, I'm hoping that everything will be clear. I'll know that on next Wednesday when I go for my fourth chemo.

I'm really ready to get this fourth one finished so I can be on the downhill side of my chemo treatments. Still no nausea and I'm so thankful for that. What I have found with each chemo is that I do tire more easily and that the sun absolutely drains me, if I'm out in it too long. My blood counts continue to be good and so thank the good Lord everything is going well.

As always I'm so thankful for my friends who are always there to lend a helping hand in any situation. Whenever I feel so exhausted that I don't want to move, I start to feel a little sad and lonely and then I remember my family and my friends and how fortunate I am to be surrounded with love from them all.....then I don't feel sad and lonely anymore.

That's all for now, stay tuned for an update...whenever!!!

Halfway there!

It was a great day on Saturday before Easter after my third chemo and I'm halway there to the finish line! Yippee!!!! Jimmie is an excellent host and he always teases me about his bed & breakfast accomodations, but in truth, it's much better than any places I've stayed. His beautiful river house has seen guest from all around the country and he's even had a wedding there on his dock. So I'm very grateful that he takes the time out of his busy schedule to be my friend and to go with me through this chemo ride. Not only does he take me to my chemo treatment but he provides me with a comforting place to rest and relax after each treatment. God is great isn't he to bring folks like this into your life!

Saturday morning we got up and took Jimmie's fishing boat to the river ramp to launch it so we could float downstream. It was quite an adventure since it was the first time it had been put in the water and we didn't know exactly how it was going to run. Well it spit and sputted and then it just putter along, quitting a couple times at which time Jimmie had to pull start the engine again. That was okay because he sat back by the motor while I got to drive the boat. We made the three mile trip down river to his house and docked.

After getting refreshments, you gotta have those when you fish, Jimmie showed me how to bait a hook with some stinky bait and how to cast the rod. My first catch of the day was tree, mmmm delicious! After a few tries I did manage to get the hook into the right area around the dock and set the pole down and take my place in the chair. NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL FISHING! Jimmie kept telling me I would know when I had a bite and sure enough when that line started tugging I realed in a HUGE FISH.. look in the picture! Well maybe it wasn't huge, but I can't ever remember catching a fish so it was HUGE to me! Never fear though the little thing was happy to be set free and swim back under the dock to grow up and be caught again someday.

Karen came over and we went for another boat ride. This time we went back up the river all the way to the dam as far as you can take your boat and then we took the boat out of the water. It was a great day for a ride, a little windy but the sun felt good and thankfully I had enough energy to get through the day and enjoy it. After a delcious dinner with the neigbors I was completely exhuasted but feeling very happy.

Easter Sunday was rainy and cool and I felt the brunt of my chemo and Nuelasta shot and didn't make it to church. Those body aches and some of those other uncomfortable side effects took over and I was wiped out for most of the day. Still no nausea or throwing up and I'm grateful for that and not complaining but my energy level is really low right now. Even after a good nights sleep on Sunday I wasn't energized by Monday and only worked through noon. I've rested and slept most of the afternoon but I still feel very tired. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

I've come to understand the "exhausted" phase of chemo...and I must admit, I DON'T LIKE IT VERY MUCH! I do know that I have to listen to my body and get rest but it really is a pain when the energy levels have been so great. You think I can't believe I'm going through chemo and then it hits! Pure exhaustion and feeling like you've worked all day long doing manual labor. But kick that ol PMA (positive mental attitude) in and say... this too shall pass! The good days outweigh the bad and that's a good thing! (gosh, do I sound like Martha Stewart)? oh my gawd! LOL

Hit me one more time with those side effects! (CLICK TO READ ABOUT CHEMO SIDE EFFECTS)

The drugs that go into your body during chemotherapy are toxic waste! LOL Well, almost but they have to be deadly to kills cancer cells, the only down side to that is that they kill healthy cells as well. That's why we lose our hair, our nails turn black, our skin gets dry, we feel tired more easily, we forget things when we have that chemo brain going on.....and..HMMMMM I forgot what I was writing about! LOL Oh yeah chemo side effects, that's it! I'm very lucky that I haven't been nauseated or sick during my chemo, I'm fortunate that my CBC's (blood count levels) have been good because when those get low it's not good. In fact today was the first time in my life that I was told by a doctor not to lose weight! Even though my taste buds are changing and I can understand why Tina said,"who wants to eat a spoon" when everything has a metallic taste. Although chocolate and ice cream still taste pretty good to me so I'm good to go! lol and I had a good report as well today.

It was my third chemo and I'm halfway through my treatment. As Dr. Harrington was examining me today, she asked me if I was checking my breast regularly and thought she felt a lump. I told her that I had a cyst in the right breast that Dr. Hagans said was only a cyst and had showed me on the mammogram the difference between a lump with cancer and a just a lump. But as we were talking about that my mind was racing with thoughts and in the back of my mind it was screaming 'YOU SHOULD HAVE HAD BOTH THOSE BOOBS SLICED OFF AND YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO BE WORRIED ABOUT THAT!'
So what about second thoughts... should I have chosen the other option of having a full mastectomy?.....when will I not be afraid of finding more lumps? here's where I had to kick that ole negative bitch in the butt and say....PMA RULES..SO GET OUTTA MY BACKDOOR MIND! and so .....

On the positive side, Dr. Harrington said I was doing very well with my treatment and is pleased with all my labs. I will be having scans before my next chemo to see if the chemo is working or if there is any cancer showing up anywhere in my body. I'm thinking positive here and ahead of time hoping and praying that that will be the case. My friend Barbara, owner of the green wig, said that every time she had a chemo treatment she felt it killing the cancer and she knew she was getting better. I liked hearing that and I think that's a great way to look at all the side effects. They are only temporary and each time that toxic waste goes into my body, those little cancer cells are disappearing...the good healthy cells are too, but they will rebuild and I'll be as good as new..no wait let me restate that.. I'LL BE BETTER THAN EVER! Because I'll be a winner...a survivor...I'll be alive and well and I'll never forget that.

I'll never be afraid to tell people I love them and I hope that my actions will show them that as well. I'll always look for ways to help others and give back because I've been given so much. I'll take time to spend time with my family and friends and make phone calls and write emails and send cards. I'll enjoy getting out and having the strength to work in my yard and enjoy each changing season. I'll go to bed when I'm tired even though it's only 7pm or stay up late if I want to and surf the net, watch TV, or make something crafty. I'll wear silly hats and wigs and fun clothes and jewelery and wont' care what other people think, if it makes someone smile or laugh, then it's worth the weird stares. What I will do is enjoy life, be grateful for each day and on days that I am bitching about something that doesn't matter a hill of beans....I hope one of my wonderful friends will kick my butt and remind me that I don't have anything to bitch about!

LIFE IS GOOD AND I'M GLAD I'M IN IT!

IBC - Inflammatory Breast Cancer

There's more than one kind of breast cancer and a lot of people don't know about this one.

April Fools!

I really can't think why I titled this April Fools except for the fact that in a few hours it will be the first of April and it seemed appropriate. It would be a great April Fools if I could say.. oh yeah I really don't have cancer I was just kidding, but that doesn't work does it? I've been kinda pissed off this week about having cancer. And I've felt melancholy about a lot of things as well, I guess it's just that time of the month.. I mean of course one of the "cancer is hell" days.

It's one of those days where it's just really hard to put on a happy face and even though your grateful to be alive no matter how you look at it.. "cancer sucks" and it sucks having cancer! Being positive is a choice and I'm certainly glad that I'm just naturally a positive person so that doesn't change. Sometimes though I really do get frustrated and just wanna scream and say I don't like being bald! I don't like going to the doctor all the dang time and I HATE CHEMOTHERAPY! Yesterday was one of those days!

I had planned on going into work for a little while yesterday before I went to Little Rock for my return visit to UAMS to get another Ultra Sound and to see DR. Stone at the Women's Gynecology clinic at the Cancer Institute. But when the alarm when off I was so tired that I just knew that going into work, the drive to Little Rock, the test, seeing the doctor and driving back home would just be too much. So I opted to stay home and sleep in a little late. I'm glad I did because the wait in the doctors office was a long one.

When I arrived at the hospital parking garage it was easy to find a parking place near the bridge walkway to the hospital and I got my book and thought I had put my cell phone in my pocket, which is where I usually keep it. I inquired about where the radiology department was and then went to the cafeteria to get a sandwich before I went to get my ultra sound. UAMS is of course a teaching school so everything that is done the student does and then the professional does as well, so therefore my ultra sound took twice as long to do but I suppose it was very thorough. After my ultra sound I went to the cancer center to the clinic to see the doctor and the room was crowded.."oh lord, I thought to myself, this is gonna be a long wait!".

Finally after waiting about an hour and half I was called to the back, weighed and put in a room with a nurse who took my blood pressure and took the paper I had to fill out while I was waiting. She looked up the results of my ultra sound and printed it out for the doctor but said she didn't know what it meant so she couldn't tell me anything. A little later a doctor I didn't know came in to talk to me, well actually a student doctor, she didn't tell me any results either but ask some questions. Shortly after that Dr. Stone came in and gave me good news. The cyst appears to be benign with only a small chance of being a low grade malignancy and so she said she wasn't that concerned about it. She does feel that it is best to to do the hysterectomy because my cancer is estrogen positive and although I have been through the menopause, there is a slight chance that I still produce a little estrogen. So I will have the laproscopic hysterectomy but not until after my chemo is complete and most likely before I start my radiation treatments.

Leaving the doctors office I was so thrilled and happy! I couldn't wait to get back to my car and get on my phone and call people and tell them. I had discovered when I was in the cafeteria that I must have left my phone in the car! The parking garage was bare compared to when I first arrived so it was very easy to find my car. I got in and looked for my phone and I couldn't see it anywhere! My elation over the good news flew right out the window! I wanted to rip that damn wig right off my head, throw it across the parking lot and scream, "I've lost my phone! I can't handle this! I'm tired! I hate cancer! I hate this wig!" and then I looked down at the driver's seat and there down between the door and the seat was my phone. My wig was intact, my phone was found and the good news was again at the front of my thoughts!

Getting in my car I noticed I had several missed phone calls and messages. I returned my phone calls and met my dear friend Jimmie at Chili's. He as always is like a rock and so positive, it's just what I needed and it was unexpected. A good meal with a good friend to share my good news, what more could a gal ask for? I arrived home tired but happy and feeling victorious, but still thinking.. CANCER SUCK BIG TIME!

Yard Work!

I can't believe how time flies and that it's already spring! I'm inclined to agree with my mother who says that time passes faster the older you get and says that she gets up in the morning and turns around twice and it's time for bed and as my friend Kathy says, "fast time!" So time has past quickly since I was diagnosed with breast cancer and a lot of has happened and there's been a lot of waiting to see or hear results. Not knowing is in my opinion, always worse than knowing the whole truth regardless of what the truth reveals.

Now that it's spring and I know that I have BC and I've had my lumpectomy, had a port placed and two chemo treatments down and feel good I have to remind myself sometimes that I have cancer. I guess that's a good thing because thank God for the nausea medication and that I've just been doing extremely well. Chemo isn't what it used to be. Thirty some odd years ago when my sister-in-law, Jeanie, had chemo she was sick in bed for days. Her daughter, my niece, Tina, on the other hand, was on the go constantly with her two young sons, that was almost six years ago. Who knows what the treatment will be like in another six years, or we can continue to pray for a cure and then no treatment would be necessary.

Okay so what's all that got to do with yard work? Nothing except that Jeanie couldn't have done any yard work a week after her chemo treatments and Tina had enough energy to keep up with two young sons. I don't have children, but I do have a house with a huge yard, a dog and a full time job. Looking out at my back yard when I found out I had BC I thought, oh crap, it's going to be spring and then summer and am I going to have enough energy or feel like mowing my yard?

See last fall after I became a single woman again, I was also left without a lawnmower. It was still summer and the grass don't stop growing because a relationship ends, so I went to Home Depot and bought me a brand spanking new lawnmower. It made me feel very independent because I could get on that thing and mow when I wanted and so mow I did! Even in the middle of winter when there was a nice sunny day, I'd get myself out there on my mower, crank that baby up and just ride it around the yard. My neighbors probably thought I was nuts, "look at that stupid woman out there!" but I just wanted to make sure it cranked since I had left gasoline in it and hadn't winterized it and those dang wild onions seem to grow all year round.

As the weather has been warming up and spring has been approaching, I've noticed those wild onions out there just keep on growing and I've been itching to get out there on my mower. Since Monday was a beautiful afternoon I did just that after work. I put cotton in my ears, a hat on my head,and a mask over my mouth and nose. That's something I'm getting used to doing since the immune system does get weak with chemo. I managed to get my entire yard, front and back mowed. I felt such a sense of accomplishment because I knew that I would be able at least to mow my yard this season.

Of course though, I'm looking around at the leaves piled up in the flowerbeds, all down the fence line and around the house and think oh lord, I gotta get that stuff outta there too. Lord please keep me healthy enough to do this dang yard work, cos somebody's gotta do it and since I'm the only human living in this house I reckon it's gonna have to be me. Well I'm happy to report that the good Lord does answer prayers and today I worked for two and half hours outside after work, raking and burning leaves. I'm not finished with all of it yet, but I've at least made a dent and I know that I will at least be able to enjoy being outside and working in my yard to make it look better.

Now my next task to try is starting my leaf blower and weed eater. I'm gonna need some pulling power for sure. As always I am thankful that for the strength each day to get up and go do my full time job, keep up my household duties, (I'm not a neat nick, but I don't wanna become a slob either) and a with the yard work season coming on fast and strong, I need some extra PMA and a lot of stamina to get everything done. It's a lot of work keeping up with everything when you're well, but I just know I'll manage and the reason I know that is because I come from good stock!

My mother continues to work in her yard, she has an electric chain saw and cuts and drags limbs and bless her heart she is the queen of PMA! She's been my role model always and so when I start feeling sorry for myself because I have so much to do, I look at her life. She's fixed almost everything in her house, torn out walls, she wears me out sometimes just talking about what she's done that day.

As you can see, the women in our family are survivors and I don't intend to break the cycle. I do intend to keep getting on that lawnmower, doing my yard work, housework, take care of Charlie, my dog, take care of myself and go to work everyday. When my eyes open the first thing in the morning, now I say, thank you Lord for this day, bring it on and that includes yard work! LOL

The Cost of Cancer

Today I got another one of those claim forms from my insurance which says, you have met your deductible and your stop loss for 2009. I'm not quite sure exactly what that means except that I know my medical bills have now gone over the $10,000 mark. Along with some of the insurance claim forms I have received medical bills from several different clinics, radiology departments, hospitals and doctors and more are on the way. It's kind of weird that I feel peaceful about all these accumulating bills and I guess that's because I just can't get stressed out by financial matters at this point.

I've always been poor I suppose, not dirt poor as in not having clothes, shoes, a roof over my head or food to eat. But poor as in the lowest working class income range, living paycheck to paycheck and getting by on what I have. Being a single home owner with credit card debt isn't exactly where I'd hope to be at this stage of my life but none the less here I am and as an added bonus, I have cancer! Seriously I'm in the hole after I pay all my bills at the first of the month by about $50.00 and I haven't even figured in gas for my car or food to eat. Being able to work some overtime is the only thing that saves me and gets me through each month.

Now I'm not complaining or crying poor pitiful me, I'm just stating facts. I'm struggling to make ends meet and to pay bills to keep that almighty credit score at a "fair" level, but for the life of me I don't know that it matters right now. If I'd made better decisions in my life no doubt I would be in a much better financial situation, but I didn't so I have to just deal with what I have. And if I'd made better decisions regarding my education, my choices in relationships, moves that I have made, would I still have cancer? Would I still be in financial stress? I don't know and it doesn't really matter. What does matter is that I'm doing the best I can with what I have and accept the responsibility for my bills. Those credit cards should be given out with a warning "may be hazardous to your credit life".

At the end of the day so to speak in the treatment of my cancer there is not only a high physical and mental cost, but of course a high dollar cost. I'm thankful for my insurance and my heart goes out to those who need care and do not have insurance. In a country where most anything can happen, anyone can do anything they want, marry who they want, say anything they want, wear anything they want and worship anyway they want, isn't it ironic that they can't get any medical care that they want. What a shame, so again looking at my life and finances I am reminded how fortunate that I am. I at least have a job with insurance and I can pay my bills so far, and when all those medical bills start rolling in, I'll have to bargain with everyone or maybe just toss all the bills up in the air each month in a little circle and the ones that stay inside the circle are the ones that I can pay. LOL Oh well no matter how you look at it, things could always be worse!

Two Down And Four To Go!

Here it is Wednesday March the 18th and I've finished my second chemo treatment today. It was a tiring day, but not bad and while siting in the chemo room with the other patients there, I realized how fortunate I am. Some of those folks had been there the day before and would be there again tomorrow. Others had been very sick and were having extra things like potassium added which takes a couple hours more to treatment time. So I just don't have anything at all to complain about. I haven't been sick with nausea or vomiting yet and the side effects that I have had have been mimimal.

It would seem too that going out to eat is something that seems to be the 'norm'' for a lot of chemo patients too, so it was only fitting that Jimmie and I meet Karen at Chili's in Jacksonville for a smorgsasboard of appetizers. What did we do? WE PIGGED OUT! Then Karen brought me back to Jimmie's house because he had to go to work in Jacksonville. As I have said so many times I also fortunate to have some awesome friends.

No doubt getting through cancer treatment is tough, but having a support network of friends is essential and a loving and caring family is important as well. My strong positive friend Jimmie was to the rescue again this time to not only take me to my chemo treatment but to open his fantastic river front home on the "Little Red River" for some quiet rest and relaxation time as well. I was so peaceful coming here this afternoon and just stiing out on the swing watching the river roll, hearing the birds sing and seeing the sunset, how beautiful! So thank you so much my friend!

Yesterday I saw Dr. Hagans and don't have to see him again for three months, DANG IT! I could visit him everyday! But I guess since everything is going great and healing like it should, he has to wean me off a bit. I guess all good things have to come to an end! LOL

Tuesday was a very productive day though and I got a free wig and head coverings from the women's resource centers and I had a great day with my childhood best friend Reba. It's been too long since we spent time together and we promised we would do it more often. No matter where we have been through the years even though we were miles away, our hearts have always been bound as friends forever. She's definetly a true friend cos when she read my blog about losing my hair, she sent me her first email ever. It was sweet and she reminded me of our becoming friends so many years ago and sorry that I was losing my hair but her punch line.."you are not your hair and it will grow back, cheer up it could be your teeth! LOL I love you Reba!"

The good news today Dr. Harrington said I was doing very well, things were going great, my blood counts have been good and she loved the PMA slogan and said she was going to use it herself. Of course she also loved the green wig and remembers Barbara who loaned it to me and said I'm the 4th person to wear the lucky survivor green wig! Some folks said, I'm loving your hair, you should have wore that yestereday, that's so cool, and then some loved the 'faith' cap! At the end of the last couple days, more than ever I am thankful to be alive and I realize that so many people have wonderful hearts and give in their own special ways to help others.

The Care Caps, http://www.ccvols.org/ are free to those who are going through treatment and it's quite an amazing story. Each cap has a little signature of all the people who sewed on that particular cap. Some groups make little pillows you can use to pad your port or surgery site from a seatbelt, others knit caps, or make soft night caps, or turbans, some people donate summer or winter caps. These are all free and as I was recieving these things that some one made somewhere with love, I know that I need to and will find a way to give back too!

ISN'T IT GREAT TO BE ALIVE! No doubt I need to count my blessing each and every day!

Get Wiggy Wit it!

Today my hair continues to fall like snow and I'm really looking like a mangy dog! I would cry but that would only make me feel worse so I just keep thinking about how fun it's going to be to wear all those wigs, scarves, caps and hats! I know I have a long way to go in my recovery and up until now I've only shed a few tears, so I just don't see any reason to start now.

The day of my biopsy after the radiologist Dr. told me she thought my lump looked like cancer and I had to come back after lunch for a biopsy, I went home and allowed myself a little cry. Then I put my best face on and went back for the biopsy and back to work. I didn't cry when the doctor called me with the results because I knew if I allowed myself to cry too much, I'd feel to sorry for myself.

I did however; allow myself another little cry after my birthday! I guess things sort of just hit me then after I'd had my lumpectomy and knew I was going to have to have chemotherapy. I figured I could be a little sad about turning 59 and having breast cancer! I mean here it was the first of the year and I had these great thoughts about how great a new year this was going to be. I'd been exercising, lost some weight, felt great and then wham, found out I had breast cancer.

Today has been another one of those days where I could just cry like a baby if I let myself but what good would it do? It won't stop my hair from coming out, it won't make the cancer go away and I'll still have to have chemotherapy and radiation. Maybe it's the dreary weather or the fact that I feel a little tired this weekend, but I really think it's just how it is and some days are going to be 'down' days.

This is what I realize, there are going to be days that I feel like crap either physically or mentally. That doesn't mean that I've given up or that I'm not positive about my recovery, it just means on those days I'm going to have to kick start my PMA a little more than usual. It's okay to have a 'down' day and it's okay to admit that today is one of those days.

Losing my hair isn't the worst thing in the world, I may love being bald and gettin' wiggy wit it! I just don't like the way I'm becoming bald and that's okay to feel that way! Because after all cancer does suck and there's no two ways about that!

"The Fallout!"

Ever since I knew I was going to have chemo, I've been preparing myself for "the fallout", losing my hair and being bald. Folks would say, "you may not lose your hair" but I've never known anyone who has had breast cancer and gone through chemo that didn't lose their hair, so I just accepted the fact that sooner or later I was going to be bald. I've read about it and others who've been there and done that told me that it would happen a couple weeks after my first chemo and they were all right!

At first I noticed my head was little sore, just like Tina had told me it would be then as I was brushing my hair down after taking my cap off, I noticed a few strands of my short one inch hair falling on my desk at work. That was two weeks and a day after my first chemo. Today all day long my hair has been falling out and since it's so short it's kind of like my dog Charlie when he sheds, I don't know who sheds more. I found myself raking my hair out and laughing at the pile I was making on the arm of the chair.

Getting a small ziplock bag I picked up the white pile of hair that was accumulating on the chair arm and put it in the bag. After I looked in the mirror I realized that I sort of look like a mangy dog..oh my lord, so I'll be visting Michelle's this week to get my head shaved. I wonder when the other bodily hair will start coming out? Am I going to be spared shaving my legs this summer? Whoohoo wouldn't that just be dandy?

Never mind, I'm ready for the "Fallout" I have my caps, scarves, wigs and sunscreen all lined up and ready to go! I have a very special cap to wear from my friend Len who sent me two t-shirts and a pink cap with the letters PMA (positive mental attitude)on them. A PMA is essential when you are about to find out how you look bald! Oh well hair is over rated anyway and maybe when mine comes back it will be curly and thicker!

PMA IS THE ONLY WAY!!!!

Where is spring?

You have to really love this Arkansas weather, it's 75 almost 80 degrees one day and the next it's cold and raining/sleeting/snowing! That's how life is too isn't it, we never know from one day to the next what life has in store for us. This time last year I didn't think about being a "single woman" and I certainly never thought about having breast cancer. What I did know was that I'm a survivor regardless of what I have always had to face and through my life I've always tried to stay positive no matter what may come my way. Staying positive, being strong, having faith and hope are part of my strong points and I thank my mother for her influence in my life.

It's no wonder then that I would expect that my blood counts be good as well. My friend Jimmie asked me how's your blood count and I said, "well I would expect that they would be good, because I feel too good for them not to be." They are right in the range where they should be. Of course circumstances can change and those numbers could fall, just like the crazy weather we have here, but for now, they're great! So I'll take that and hope for the best as I continue along in my treatment.

Even though that snow is pretty falling outside, I'm sure looking forward to the sping weather. What's that saying, April showers brings May flowers, mmm I LOVE FLOWERS DON'T YOU? It looks like March is bringing not only rain, wind, sunshine but snow and sleet too! Remember the words to that song.. "Sunshine Go Away Today"?

Sunshine go away today
I don't feel much like dancing (chemo day)
Some man's gone, he's tried to run my life (breast cancer)
Don't know what he's asking (have faith, hope, courage and strength?)

He tells me I'd better get in line (you need a lot of patience when you have cancer)
Can't hear what he's saying (always so much information)
When I grow up I'm going to make it mine (be cancer free)
But these aren't dues I been paying

(Chorus)
How much does it cost, I'll buy it (thank God for insurance)
The time is all we've lost, I'll try it (it takes time to recover)
But he can't even run his own life (cancer is a disease but)
I'll be damned if he'll run mine, Sunshine (I AM STRONGER)

Sunshine go away today
I don't feel much like dancing
Some man's gone he's tried to run my life
Don't know what he's asking

Working starts to make me wonder where
The fruits of what I do are going (twist and turns in the process to recover during treatment)
He says in love and war all is fair
But he's got cards he ain't showing(cancer changes us forver)

(Chorus)
(this is what I'm gonna be singing the loudest)

Sunshine come on back another day
I promise you I'll be singing(I BELIEVE, just like the necklace that Katie gave me today)
This old world, she's gonna turn around(I WILL SURVIVE!)
Brand new bells'll be ringing (and BE BETTER THAN EVER!)

Now can I get an AMEN? :)

DOCTOR DOCTOR GIVE ME THE NEWS - I GOT A NEW ATTITUDE!

My appointment today went fine, although the doctor had not received the results of the biopsy from last week nor did she had the pictures of the ultra sound to see the cyst on my ovaries. She has scheduled me for a return visit on the 30th of this month and I'll have another ultra sound that day before I see her so she can compare the two for any change. She wants to do a laproscopic hysterectomy between my chemo treatments and see if that cystic legion is cancerous so we can treat it with chemo drugs especially for that. The drugs I'm taking now does treat it but there I guess others can be combined or maybe changed to treat everything at the same time. The positive and good news, I did hear this afternoon about my cervical biopsy which is negative and the pap is negative so good news on that end.

I feel great actually, just a wee bit tired from the trip to Little Rock this morning and think that's because I got up so early to leave to beat the am traffic. Then once my appointment was over I had to go over to Baptist and get a cd of my scans to take back to the Dr.office.

I stopped at Walmart in Searcy, now that's a tiring experience in itself going to Walmart isn't it? LOL Grabbed a chicken on a stick when I got gas and headed home. My little dog Charlie was thrilled to see me cause I had new treats for him. When I come in that door with bags, I better have something in one of them for him.. LOL he's as bad as a child! This afternoon I worked out in the yard a bit picking up little limbs and sticks to get ready to mow, but then I watched the weather, it seems our pretty weather isn't going to stay around for long.

All in all it was a good day and I'm thankful for it. I started reading a book that my friend Lil' Doobie gave me, that's her nickname of course :) it's called "Chicken Soup For the Surviving Soul" it's written by a woman who is a breast cancer survivor and there's stories from other survivors, doctors, etc. You know that we often take our lives and everything for granted and it takes a devastating illness or tragedy to bring us to our knees, literally. This book is about hope and love, the two I believe are intertwined and I'm really enjoying reading this book. Sddendly every day is beautiful no matter the weather, family and friends are more precious and dear and a PMA-positive mental attitude is a awy of life and taking life for granted is no longer permitted!

Groundhog Day Effects! :)

Remember the movie "Groundhog Day? You know Bill Murray kept reliving the day over and over and over again until he was a changed man I guess and appeared to have a heart and then the spell was broken. Wouldn't it be great sometimes to be able to relive some of our days, the good ones of course over again? If we could pick and choose a day which one would you pick?

I don't think I could really choose a particular day to relive, I've had some very wonderful days in my life and a ton of them before I found out I had breast cancer. Surely I could find one of those and choose it and relive it a few times before moving into the future and the now of treatments and the waiting game of cancer, but to tell you the truth, yesterday was a brilliant day!

My visit with Lisa was great, the weather was beautiful so we got out yesterday for a ride and a little hike down to "Collins Creek" in Heber Springs. Evie, Lisa's daughter and Sullivan, my friend Katie's daughter had tons of fun exploring and climbing around on those rocks and in that cold water. It's only a short hike down to the creek from the parking area and it's such a beautiful place. I would love to have a house right down there! It's quite a popular place it seems because every time I've been there's always people, especially with kids who love to take their shoes off and play in that cold water.

After our little hike and playing in the water we came back to Batesville and ate Chinese. Katie and her husband Shane met us at the Chinese restaurant to pick up Sullivan who had spent the nite with Evie. They had become fast friends and just couldn't be pulled apart on the nite before. My house was alive with the sounds of two precocious girls bouncing all around the house. Charlie, my dog, loved it but he was absolutely worn out as was I. At the end of the day I realized that I'm too old for children on a daily basis but, it was a lovely day and I wouldn't mind reliving that one again.

I changed my mind this afternoon and decided to drive down to Little Rock in the morning. It seems I've developed one of the side effects that I'd rather not talk about but let's just say I wouldn't want to be out on the highway too far from as the English say A LOO! Let's hope the Imodium AD works well by the time I have to leave in the morning. Can't wait to get this appointment over with tomorrow so I'll be back here after that and who knows it may be possible that I will actually know something more about that dang cyst problem! I'm not gonna hold my breath though!

TGIF---Yeah buddy!

It doesn't matter what you do for work if you have the weekend off, TGIF is a time for celebration! I'm celebrating because I've had a good week, felt good, no major aches or pains and still no nausea. I think that's something to write home about or in my case write in this blog!

I'm also excited because my dear friend from Memphis, Lisa and her daughter Evie will be here for the weekend. In fact they should be here within the hour. The last time I saw Lisa was three years ago so we have so much to catch up on. We met in church and we worked in the senior program there together, we had a lot of fun back in the day. Then she met an Englishman, married him and moved to the UK. I guess I must have really envied and missed her a lot because I followed right in her footsteps.

When I got married over there Lisa was my only friend there and it was wonderful to have her there. I used to ride the train up to visit her and it was a great adventure. She returned with her husband Simon, to Memphis though before I did but again it wasn't long before I returned back to the states as well. I moved back to Arkansas though instead of back to Memphis. That was 9 years ago and we've only seen each other a couple times since then. I just know this is going to be a wonderful weekend.

Sunday afternoon I'll be going to Little Rock to spend the nite with another friend, Debbie who I went to school with. I have an appoitment with Pamela Stone the OBGYN Onoclogist Surgeon on Monday morning at 9am and I need to be there by 8:30am. Since it's a little over an hour and half drive it makes sense to go the nite before. Again I find that our friends and family are the most important things in our lives and altough we could survive without them, it would be a very lonely and sad existance and I am so very thankful for all my family and friends.

So yipeee it's Friday, the weekend, let's celebrate! whoooohoooo!!!!!

Hump Day!

Hump day, mmm interesting saying isn't it? So today I'm feeling fine actually and that after the hump day, things will be even better. I have felt a just a little achy thing here and there and that's about it. Maybe that Neulasta shot is worth the money.
Can you believe that shot cost 3800 dollars wholesale? What the heck does it have in there, Debbie said to make sure that the needle had a gold tip when they gave it to me at that price!

I go tomorrow to the vampire to drain my blood for the cbc count. Of course we're so far out here in the sticks at Batesville that they have to send the blood to Little Rock or Jonesboro first. Now really I don't guess Batesville is in the sticks, it just seems so isolated sometimes from everywhere because it's in a hole. It's really a beautiful little town and I shouldn't complain, but hey I want to it makes me feel better so I will!

Now that I got that out of my system, I can go to bed and feel relief! I'm so glad I had this time to share my frustration with you all! I tried yelling at my husband but I forgot I don't have one, I guess that chemo brain has already set in... I need to put that down for further reference. I DON'T HAVE A HUSBAND TO YELL AT..........STOP BEFORE YOU GET LARYNGITIS!

The Green Wig

Ray a volunteer and a cancer survivor.

My friend Katie's mother Barbara is a cancer survivor and when she found out I had breast cancer she asked Katie if she thought I would wear the "green wig". Katie said, Sandra, OH YEAH.. and Katie as well as Barbara told me the story of the lucky green wig. Two other women besides Barbara have worn this wig to treatments and they are all now survivors so it's considered to be a 'lucky green wig'..... so even though I haven't lost my hair yet, I did promise Barbara that I would wear the wig to my treatments and I promised Michelle that I would wear the cap as well. I added a pink ribbon pin that my friend Karen gave me and today I added another ribbon pin that the "hippie" Joanie another friend from work gave me.

Ouch I don't like biopsies!

"Good morning Ms Lyons, I'm Dr. Jones" and I'm gonna hurt you"! Now if I had heard my doctor say that I would have run like hell out of that office but of course he didn't say that so I didn't run. In hind site, I should have! Because let me tell you, if you've never had the experience of having a cervical biopsy, you haven't lived! True it doesn't take too long and the excruciating pain only last for a few minutes but you're still laying there naked, feet in stirrups and it feels like your insides are being pulled out! Men just don't have a clue what we women have to go through, now I know they will argue that they have to have their prostate checked, so what! We have to have that back end part checked too and that's after the cold steel spreads and plucks away on our female parts. Phew! I'm glad that is over and let me get my clothes on and out of this office as fast as my feet will take me!

Having said all that what I found out is that I have to see another oncologist because doc Jones feels it's better for me since the cystic legion on my ovary is questionable and the only way to find out if it's a malignant type legion is by taking out the old ovaries. Of course that can't be done until I finish my chemo treatments but doc Jones says this other doctor can keep an eye on the area and be ready to go with surgery when I am finished with chemo.

Now I know EXACTLY the same thing that I knew before I went to the doctor this morning that the cystic legion could or could not be cancerous but because of my history of cancer, (this recent breast cancer is my history) the type of legion and the blood work that is in the gray area, the best course of action according to doc Jones is to see a oncologist surgeon who specializes in this area. I'll see him Monday morning and don't you know I just can't wait to heist my legs up in those stirrups again!!!!

I'm happy to report that I ate a whopper after my doctor visit this morning! It was sloppy and along with those fries and coke it was just what I ORDERED! Bet you thought I was gonna say what the doctor ordered.. hmmm no he ordered a painful biopsy, I'll take a whopper anyday! LOL Stay tuned more adventures on the way!

Monday Monday!

It was hard to drag myself out of bed this morning, but I did manage to get into work for a little while today although I felt very fuzzy headed and tired. So I came home early and slept all afternoon. I do feel better today, no bad aches or pains just feeling a little tired. All in all a pretty good Monday!

I'll be glad to get tomorrow over with don't ya know going to see that gynecologist. I was only kidding about the 20 pages I had to fill out but there was about 6 of them and a medication sheet. Seems like my life is an open book right now so I hope it's at least a little interesting and amusing.

Time to do something really useful and watch some TV. More another time!

THEM BONES THEM BONES THEM ACHY BONES!

Well it's day 3 after my first chemo treatment and what can I say? The nausea meds are wonderful because I have not been sick or nauseated at all and for that I am very thankful. I can tell you this though, every bone in my body aches, my teeth hurt, throat aches, headaches, ears ache and Tylenol and my heating pad are my best friends right now. These are some of the side effects that I've read could happen with chemo and also with the Neulasta. They do come and go at least from one part of the body to the other so everything doesn't hurt all at once, well so far it hasn't.

Mom went home this afternoon after all the snow melted. She was going to go home yesterday but it started snowing and so instead we went to the Southend Grill for lunch. We celebrated her birthday and mine since we haven't had a chance to do that. It was great to have her here with me for a few days. So now I guess it's time to try and get back to normal and think about going to work tomorrow.

Tuesday I have to see the gynecologist about the cysts on my ovaries and in the meantime fill out this 20 page medical history that I got in the mail from him. I'm glad they sent it to me to do at home I'd be in that office all day if I had to fill those papers out Tuesday. Okay I guess maybe I should do something productive like start on those papers...mmmm maybe I will after a nap!

6 Lessons learned from cancer

Just wanted to post this, I found it on the chemocare.com site a Scot Hamilton program initative...and my favorite figure skater of all time! It was posted by Greg a cancer survivor and I think it applies to everyone, not only those of us who have or have had cancer. It's when we do go through our darkest times that we realize this very first lesson is what helps us to learn and understand the other 5 lessons.

6 Lessons I learned from my cancer

Lesson #1: Many more people genuinely care about you than you can possibly know - and they are ready to do everything in their power to help you through your treatment.

Lesson #2: God is NOT mean - sometimes bad things happen to good people.

Lesson #3: All big words have simple explanations - you just have to keep asking until you get it.

Lesson #4: Not all doctors are very good; but some doctors are outstanding; and personally dedicated to making you get well again. The same can be said for Nurses, Radiation Techs, and Receptionists. Take the time to find the really good ones.

Lesson #5: It's OK to have a bad day. You're sick; you don't have to happy about it.

Lesson #6: You're a LOT tougher than you think you are - you CAN DO this.

Red/green/black the race is on!

Well my first chemo and the port placement went well, no problems so far. I did wear my green wig and cap, was fun! LOL It wasn't as bad as I thought and I'm praying these nausea meds work, so far they are and the only side effect is a bit of tingling that I think is normal and will go away.

It's a good thing to take a book, a blanket, a laptop, an mp3 player and a sense of humor to chemo treatments. I think next time I go I'm going to have to take a bag on wheels for all my stuff! LOL As TinaRE said, nothing happens fast when you have BC. So they give you a nausea med drip, flush your port, a steriod, flush your port, the first chemo drip drug, can't remember that name, flush your port, the second chemo drug, flush your port and then the last one....THE RED DEVIL, that's the one that makes your hair fall out and then they flush your port! You sort of feel like a good working toliet by the time they are finished!

Everyone is very nice and loved my green wig and ballcap, just wait till I go in with the green eyebrows! If you gotta have BC you gotta have a good sense of humor and attitude! Along with a loving family and great support group who go out of their way to take care of you. My friend Karen took me to Little Rock to the Hickinbottham outpatient clinic at the surgical pavilion. There another friend Jimmie was waiting to be with me through my Iport placement and chemo treatment. After treatment he drove me to Cabot to meet Angella another member of the 'relay' team who brought me home where my beautiful mother was waiting to stay with me for a few days. What more could I ask for I am so blessed!

A special thanks for the prayer shawl from the St. James Methodist Church in Little Rock. Thank you Jimmie and Cynthia for giving them my name. The shawl is beautiful and I wore it all day. This special shawl was knitted or crocheted by ladies and gentlemen who prayed for me as they were working on it. Doesn't that just beat all, so many kind and caring people in this world. Sometimes we focus so much on the ugly things/people that we forget how wonderful people really are. .

Tomorrow is the day...

Just a quick note to let you all know that I'm going in tomorrow to have an Infusion port placed somewhere.. .lol I think in my chest area for my chemo treatments. After that I'll have my first chemo treatment. The good news is that I can get the Neulasta shot here in Batesville, to build up white blood cells.. My CAT scan showed I had a brain..whod'a thought it and that it's clear of any debris, my Mugga scan showed that my numbers were normal so that means I can get the really good chemo cocktail.

I have to see a gynocologist about the legion on my ovary..joy bells! LOL I've never been so looked at in and outside so much in my life. It's very weird!

I'm a bit nervous and anxious tonite but I know everything is going to be okay, it's just the unknown. After I get that first chemo going on I won't give it a second thought I'm sure. I'll touch base with you again on the flip side of this chemo adventure. So stay tuned and have a great Thursday! As always thank you all for your positive comments, your thoughts, and your prayers! I feel very loved and I'm so thankful for you my dear family and friends. I thank God for bringing you into my life as friends and you are my family, well you don't have a choice....you're stuck with me!

You're in the Army now!

Get Them Wigs Ready Girls!

Hello there! Here's an update regarding my doctor visits today. Dr. Hagans, my surgeon said I'm healing well and I'll see him again in 4 weeks. Dr. Harrington, my oncologist and a woman was very nice and thorough. She is ordering a CAT scan to see if I have a brain, some kind of heart test to determine the kind of chemo I will have because there is one kind that can weaken your heart and a ultra sound to make sure the mass on my ovary is only a cyst. These test can be done in Batesville and hopefully will be done in the next day or so. After those test are completed and Dr. Harrington has the result she will set up a time for Dr. Hagans to insert an IPORT which is under the skin so the chemo and blood labs can all be taken from that, at least I think that's what she said. I will have 6 chemo treatments of one every three weeks. After that I will have 6 weeks of radiation and then after that I will take a pill for a long time. They will give me a nausea drug before each chemo treatment and two pills to take after each treatment as well as a prescription for something to take as needed. There's a 50/50 chance I'll lose my hair, but I'm prepared I got lots of wigs, caps, do rags, and scarves thanks to Barbara, Michelle and Tina! I even have a really green one for luck to wear on the days of chemo! It looks like I'll most likely be starting chemo sometime next week which Dr. Harrington said would be better than this week anyway to give my body another week to heal from the surgery.

Looks like we're on a roll here! So thanks again for all your thoughts and prayers! I do appreciate them all so much! I'll send along a pic of the green wig...it'll be good for a laugh or maybe even as a garden deterrent! LOL