I really can't think why I titled this April Fools except for the fact that in a few hours it will be the first of April and it seemed appropriate. It would be a great April Fools if I could say.. oh yeah I really don't have cancer I was just kidding, but that doesn't work does it? I've been kinda pissed off this week about having cancer. And I've felt melancholy about a lot of things as well, I guess it's just that time of the month.. I mean of course one of the "cancer is hell" days.
It's one of those days where it's just really hard to put on a happy face and even though your grateful to be alive no matter how you look at it.. "cancer sucks" and it sucks having cancer! Being positive is a choice and I'm certainly glad that I'm just naturally a positive person so that doesn't change. Sometimes though I really do get frustrated and just wanna scream and say I don't like being bald! I don't like going to the doctor all the dang time and I HATE CHEMOTHERAPY! Yesterday was one of those days!
I had planned on going into work for a little while yesterday before I went to Little Rock for my return visit to UAMS to get another Ultra Sound and to see DR. Stone at the Women's Gynecology clinic at the Cancer Institute. But when the alarm when off I was so tired that I just knew that going into work, the drive to Little Rock, the test, seeing the doctor and driving back home would just be too much. So I opted to stay home and sleep in a little late. I'm glad I did because the wait in the doctors office was a long one.
When I arrived at the hospital parking garage it was easy to find a parking place near the bridge walkway to the hospital and I got my book and thought I had put my cell phone in my pocket, which is where I usually keep it. I inquired about where the radiology department was and then went to the cafeteria to get a sandwich before I went to get my ultra sound. UAMS is of course a teaching school so everything that is done the student does and then the professional does as well, so therefore my ultra sound took twice as long to do but I suppose it was very thorough. After my ultra sound I went to the cancer center to the clinic to see the doctor and the room was crowded.."oh lord, I thought to myself, this is gonna be a long wait!".
Finally after waiting about an hour and half I was called to the back, weighed and put in a room with a nurse who took my blood pressure and took the paper I had to fill out while I was waiting. She looked up the results of my ultra sound and printed it out for the doctor but said she didn't know what it meant so she couldn't tell me anything. A little later a doctor I didn't know came in to talk to me, well actually a student doctor, she didn't tell me any results either but ask some questions. Shortly after that Dr. Stone came in and gave me good news. The cyst appears to be benign with only a small chance of being a low grade malignancy and so she said she wasn't that concerned about it. She does feel that it is best to to do the hysterectomy because my cancer is estrogen positive and although I have been through the menopause, there is a slight chance that I still produce a little estrogen. So I will have the laproscopic hysterectomy but not until after my chemo is complete and most likely before I start my radiation treatments.
Leaving the doctors office I was so thrilled and happy! I couldn't wait to get back to my car and get on my phone and call people and tell them. I had discovered when I was in the cafeteria that I must have left my phone in the car! The parking garage was bare compared to when I first arrived so it was very easy to find my car. I got in and looked for my phone and I couldn't see it anywhere! My elation over the good news flew right out the window! I wanted to rip that damn wig right off my head, throw it across the parking lot and scream, "I've lost my phone! I can't handle this! I'm tired! I hate cancer! I hate this wig!" and then I looked down at the driver's seat and there down between the door and the seat was my phone. My wig was intact, my phone was found and the good news was again at the front of my thoughts!
Getting in my car I noticed I had several missed phone calls and messages. I returned my phone calls and met my dear friend Jimmie at Chili's. He as always is like a rock and so positive, it's just what I needed and it was unexpected. A good meal with a good friend to share my good news, what more could a gal ask for? I arrived home tired but happy and feeling victorious, but still thinking.. CANCER SUCK BIG TIME!
Yard Work!
I can't believe how time flies and that it's already spring! I'm inclined to agree with my mother who says that time passes faster the older you get and says that she gets up in the morning and turns around twice and it's time for bed and as my friend Kathy says, "fast time!" So time has past quickly since I was diagnosed with breast cancer and a lot of has happened and there's been a lot of waiting to see or hear results. Not knowing is in my opinion, always worse than knowing the whole truth regardless of what the truth reveals.
Now that it's spring and I know that I have BC and I've had my lumpectomy, had a port placed and two chemo treatments down and feel good I have to remind myself sometimes that I have cancer. I guess that's a good thing because thank God for the nausea medication and that I've just been doing extremely well. Chemo isn't what it used to be. Thirty some odd years ago when my sister-in-law, Jeanie, had chemo she was sick in bed for days. Her daughter, my niece, Tina, on the other hand, was on the go constantly with her two young sons, that was almost six years ago. Who knows what the treatment will be like in another six years, or we can continue to pray for a cure and then no treatment would be necessary.
Okay so what's all that got to do with yard work? Nothing except that Jeanie couldn't have done any yard work a week after her chemo treatments and Tina had enough energy to keep up with two young sons. I don't have children, but I do have a house with a huge yard, a dog and a full time job. Looking out at my back yard when I found out I had BC I thought, oh crap, it's going to be spring and then summer and am I going to have enough energy or feel like mowing my yard?
See last fall after I became a single woman again, I was also left without a lawnmower. It was still summer and the grass don't stop growing because a relationship ends, so I went to Home Depot and bought me a brand spanking new lawnmower. It made me feel very independent because I could get on that thing and mow when I wanted and so mow I did! Even in the middle of winter when there was a nice sunny day, I'd get myself out there on my mower, crank that baby up and just ride it around the yard. My neighbors probably thought I was nuts, "look at that stupid woman out there!" but I just wanted to make sure it cranked since I had left gasoline in it and hadn't winterized it and those dang wild onions seem to grow all year round.
As the weather has been warming up and spring has been approaching, I've noticed those wild onions out there just keep on growing and I've been itching to get out there on my mower. Since Monday was a beautiful afternoon I did just that after work. I put cotton in my ears, a hat on my head,and a mask over my mouth and nose. That's something I'm getting used to doing since the immune system does get weak with chemo. I managed to get my entire yard, front and back mowed. I felt such a sense of accomplishment because I knew that I would be able at least to mow my yard this season.
Of course though, I'm looking around at the leaves piled up in the flowerbeds, all down the fence line and around the house and think oh lord, I gotta get that stuff outta there too. Lord please keep me healthy enough to do this dang yard work, cos somebody's gotta do it and since I'm the only human living in this house I reckon it's gonna have to be me. Well I'm happy to report that the good Lord does answer prayers and today I worked for two and half hours outside after work, raking and burning leaves. I'm not finished with all of it yet, but I've at least made a dent and I know that I will at least be able to enjoy being outside and working in my yard to make it look better.
Now my next task to try is starting my leaf blower and weed eater. I'm gonna need some pulling power for sure. As always I am thankful that for the strength each day to get up and go do my full time job, keep up my household duties, (I'm not a neat nick, but I don't wanna become a slob either) and a with the yard work season coming on fast and strong, I need some extra PMA and a lot of stamina to get everything done. It's a lot of work keeping up with everything when you're well, but I just know I'll manage and the reason I know that is because I come from good stock!
My mother continues to work in her yard, she has an electric chain saw and cuts and drags limbs and bless her heart she is the queen of PMA! She's been my role model always and so when I start feeling sorry for myself because I have so much to do, I look at her life. She's fixed almost everything in her house, torn out walls, she wears me out sometimes just talking about what she's done that day.
As you can see, the women in our family are survivors and I don't intend to break the cycle. I do intend to keep getting on that lawnmower, doing my yard work, housework, take care of Charlie, my dog, take care of myself and go to work everyday. When my eyes open the first thing in the morning, now I say, thank you Lord for this day, bring it on and that includes yard work! LOL
Now that it's spring and I know that I have BC and I've had my lumpectomy, had a port placed and two chemo treatments down and feel good I have to remind myself sometimes that I have cancer. I guess that's a good thing because thank God for the nausea medication and that I've just been doing extremely well. Chemo isn't what it used to be. Thirty some odd years ago when my sister-in-law, Jeanie, had chemo she was sick in bed for days. Her daughter, my niece, Tina, on the other hand, was on the go constantly with her two young sons, that was almost six years ago. Who knows what the treatment will be like in another six years, or we can continue to pray for a cure and then no treatment would be necessary.
Okay so what's all that got to do with yard work? Nothing except that Jeanie couldn't have done any yard work a week after her chemo treatments and Tina had enough energy to keep up with two young sons. I don't have children, but I do have a house with a huge yard, a dog and a full time job. Looking out at my back yard when I found out I had BC I thought, oh crap, it's going to be spring and then summer and am I going to have enough energy or feel like mowing my yard?
See last fall after I became a single woman again, I was also left without a lawnmower. It was still summer and the grass don't stop growing because a relationship ends, so I went to Home Depot and bought me a brand spanking new lawnmower. It made me feel very independent because I could get on that thing and mow when I wanted and so mow I did! Even in the middle of winter when there was a nice sunny day, I'd get myself out there on my mower, crank that baby up and just ride it around the yard. My neighbors probably thought I was nuts, "look at that stupid woman out there!" but I just wanted to make sure it cranked since I had left gasoline in it and hadn't winterized it and those dang wild onions seem to grow all year round.
As the weather has been warming up and spring has been approaching, I've noticed those wild onions out there just keep on growing and I've been itching to get out there on my mower. Since Monday was a beautiful afternoon I did just that after work. I put cotton in my ears, a hat on my head,and a mask over my mouth and nose. That's something I'm getting used to doing since the immune system does get weak with chemo. I managed to get my entire yard, front and back mowed. I felt such a sense of accomplishment because I knew that I would be able at least to mow my yard this season.
Of course though, I'm looking around at the leaves piled up in the flowerbeds, all down the fence line and around the house and think oh lord, I gotta get that stuff outta there too. Lord please keep me healthy enough to do this dang yard work, cos somebody's gotta do it and since I'm the only human living in this house I reckon it's gonna have to be me. Well I'm happy to report that the good Lord does answer prayers and today I worked for two and half hours outside after work, raking and burning leaves. I'm not finished with all of it yet, but I've at least made a dent and I know that I will at least be able to enjoy being outside and working in my yard to make it look better.
Now my next task to try is starting my leaf blower and weed eater. I'm gonna need some pulling power for sure. As always I am thankful that for the strength each day to get up and go do my full time job, keep up my household duties, (I'm not a neat nick, but I don't wanna become a slob either) and a with the yard work season coming on fast and strong, I need some extra PMA and a lot of stamina to get everything done. It's a lot of work keeping up with everything when you're well, but I just know I'll manage and the reason I know that is because I come from good stock!
My mother continues to work in her yard, she has an electric chain saw and cuts and drags limbs and bless her heart she is the queen of PMA! She's been my role model always and so when I start feeling sorry for myself because I have so much to do, I look at her life. She's fixed almost everything in her house, torn out walls, she wears me out sometimes just talking about what she's done that day.
As you can see, the women in our family are survivors and I don't intend to break the cycle. I do intend to keep getting on that lawnmower, doing my yard work, housework, take care of Charlie, my dog, take care of myself and go to work everyday. When my eyes open the first thing in the morning, now I say, thank you Lord for this day, bring it on and that includes yard work! LOL
The Cost of Cancer
Today I got another one of those claim forms from my insurance which says, you have met your deductible and your stop loss for 2009. I'm not quite sure exactly what that means except that I know my medical bills have now gone over the $10,000 mark. Along with some of the insurance claim forms I have received medical bills from several different clinics, radiology departments, hospitals and doctors and more are on the way. It's kind of weird that I feel peaceful about all these accumulating bills and I guess that's because I just can't get stressed out by financial matters at this point.
I've always been poor I suppose, not dirt poor as in not having clothes, shoes, a roof over my head or food to eat. But poor as in the lowest working class income range, living paycheck to paycheck and getting by on what I have. Being a single home owner with credit card debt isn't exactly where I'd hope to be at this stage of my life but none the less here I am and as an added bonus, I have cancer! Seriously I'm in the hole after I pay all my bills at the first of the month by about $50.00 and I haven't even figured in gas for my car or food to eat. Being able to work some overtime is the only thing that saves me and gets me through each month.
Now I'm not complaining or crying poor pitiful me, I'm just stating facts. I'm struggling to make ends meet and to pay bills to keep that almighty credit score at a "fair" level, but for the life of me I don't know that it matters right now. If I'd made better decisions in my life no doubt I would be in a much better financial situation, but I didn't so I have to just deal with what I have. And if I'd made better decisions regarding my education, my choices in relationships, moves that I have made, would I still have cancer? Would I still be in financial stress? I don't know and it doesn't really matter. What does matter is that I'm doing the best I can with what I have and accept the responsibility for my bills. Those credit cards should be given out with a warning "may be hazardous to your credit life".
At the end of the day so to speak in the treatment of my cancer there is not only a high physical and mental cost, but of course a high dollar cost. I'm thankful for my insurance and my heart goes out to those who need care and do not have insurance. In a country where most anything can happen, anyone can do anything they want, marry who they want, say anything they want, wear anything they want and worship anyway they want, isn't it ironic that they can't get any medical care that they want. What a shame, so again looking at my life and finances I am reminded how fortunate that I am. I at least have a job with insurance and I can pay my bills so far, and when all those medical bills start rolling in, I'll have to bargain with everyone or maybe just toss all the bills up in the air each month in a little circle and the ones that stay inside the circle are the ones that I can pay. LOL Oh well no matter how you look at it, things could always be worse!
I've always been poor I suppose, not dirt poor as in not having clothes, shoes, a roof over my head or food to eat. But poor as in the lowest working class income range, living paycheck to paycheck and getting by on what I have. Being a single home owner with credit card debt isn't exactly where I'd hope to be at this stage of my life but none the less here I am and as an added bonus, I have cancer! Seriously I'm in the hole after I pay all my bills at the first of the month by about $50.00 and I haven't even figured in gas for my car or food to eat. Being able to work some overtime is the only thing that saves me and gets me through each month.
Now I'm not complaining or crying poor pitiful me, I'm just stating facts. I'm struggling to make ends meet and to pay bills to keep that almighty credit score at a "fair" level, but for the life of me I don't know that it matters right now. If I'd made better decisions in my life no doubt I would be in a much better financial situation, but I didn't so I have to just deal with what I have. And if I'd made better decisions regarding my education, my choices in relationships, moves that I have made, would I still have cancer? Would I still be in financial stress? I don't know and it doesn't really matter. What does matter is that I'm doing the best I can with what I have and accept the responsibility for my bills. Those credit cards should be given out with a warning "may be hazardous to your credit life".
At the end of the day so to speak in the treatment of my cancer there is not only a high physical and mental cost, but of course a high dollar cost. I'm thankful for my insurance and my heart goes out to those who need care and do not have insurance. In a country where most anything can happen, anyone can do anything they want, marry who they want, say anything they want, wear anything they want and worship anyway they want, isn't it ironic that they can't get any medical care that they want. What a shame, so again looking at my life and finances I am reminded how fortunate that I am. I at least have a job with insurance and I can pay my bills so far, and when all those medical bills start rolling in, I'll have to bargain with everyone or maybe just toss all the bills up in the air each month in a little circle and the ones that stay inside the circle are the ones that I can pay. LOL Oh well no matter how you look at it, things could always be worse!
Two Down And Four To Go!
Here it is Wednesday March the 18th and I've finished my second chemo treatment today. It was a tiring day, but not bad and while siting in the chemo room with the other patients there, I realized how fortunate I am. Some of those folks had been there the day before and would be there again tomorrow. Others had been very sick and were having extra things like potassium added which takes a couple hours more to treatment time. So I just don't have anything at all to complain about. I haven't been sick with nausea or vomiting yet and the side effects that I have had have been mimimal.
It would seem too that going out to eat is something that seems to be the 'norm'' for a lot of chemo patients too, so it was only fitting that Jimmie and I meet Karen at Chili's in Jacksonville for a smorgsasboard of appetizers. What did we do? WE PIGGED OUT! Then Karen brought me back to Jimmie's house because he had to go to work in Jacksonville. As I have said so many times I also fortunate to have some awesome friends.
No doubt getting through cancer treatment is tough, but having a support network of friends is essential and a loving and caring family is important as well. My strong positive friend Jimmie was to the rescue again this time to not only take me to my chemo treatment but to open his fantastic river front home on the "Little Red River" for some quiet rest and relaxation time as well. I was so peaceful coming here this afternoon and just stiing out on the swing watching the river roll, hearing the birds sing and seeing the sunset, how beautiful! So thank you so much my friend!
Yesterday I saw Dr. Hagans and don't have to see him again for three months, DANG IT! I could visit him everyday! But I guess since everything is going great and healing like it should, he has to wean me off a bit. I guess all good things have to come to an end! LOL
Tuesday was a very productive day though and I got a free wig and head coverings from the women's resource centers and I had a great day with my childhood best friend Reba. It's been too long since we spent time together and we promised we would do it more often. No matter where we have been through the years even though we were miles away, our hearts have always been bound as friends forever. She's definetly a true friend cos when she read my blog about losing my hair, she sent me her first email ever. It was sweet and she reminded me of our becoming friends so many years ago and sorry that I was losing my hair but her punch line.."you are not your hair and it will grow back, cheer up it could be your teeth! LOL I love you Reba!"
The good news today Dr. Harrington said I was doing very well, things were going great, my blood counts have been good and she loved the PMA slogan and said she was going to use it herself. Of course she also loved the green wig and remembers Barbara who loaned it to me and said I'm the 4th person to wear the lucky survivor green wig! Some folks said, I'm loving your hair, you should have wore that yestereday, that's so cool, and then some loved the 'faith' cap! At the end of the last couple days, more than ever I am thankful to be alive and I realize that so many people have wonderful hearts and give in their own special ways to help others.
The Care Caps, http://www.ccvols.org/ are free to those who are going through treatment and it's quite an amazing story. Each cap has a little signature of all the people who sewed on that particular cap. Some groups make little pillows you can use to pad your port or surgery site from a seatbelt, others knit caps, or make soft night caps, or turbans, some people donate summer or winter caps. These are all free and as I was recieving these things that some one made somewhere with love, I know that I need to and will find a way to give back too!
ISN'T IT GREAT TO BE ALIVE! No doubt I need to count my blessing each and every day!
Get Wiggy Wit it!
Today my hair continues to fall like snow and I'm really looking like a mangy dog! I would cry but that would only make me feel worse so I just keep thinking about how fun it's going to be to wear all those wigs, scarves, caps and hats! I know I have a long way to go in my recovery and up until now I've only shed a few tears, so I just don't see any reason to start now.
The day of my biopsy after the radiologist Dr. told me she thought my lump looked like cancer and I had to come back after lunch for a biopsy, I went home and allowed myself a little cry. Then I put my best face on and went back for the biopsy and back to work. I didn't cry when the doctor called me with the results because I knew if I allowed myself to cry too much, I'd feel to sorry for myself.
I did however; allow myself another little cry after my birthday! I guess things sort of just hit me then after I'd had my lumpectomy and knew I was going to have to have chemotherapy. I figured I could be a little sad about turning 59 and having breast cancer! I mean here it was the first of the year and I had these great thoughts about how great a new year this was going to be. I'd been exercising, lost some weight, felt great and then wham, found out I had breast cancer.
Today has been another one of those days where I could just cry like a baby if I let myself but what good would it do? It won't stop my hair from coming out, it won't make the cancer go away and I'll still have to have chemotherapy and radiation. Maybe it's the dreary weather or the fact that I feel a little tired this weekend, but I really think it's just how it is and some days are going to be 'down' days.
This is what I realize, there are going to be days that I feel like crap either physically or mentally. That doesn't mean that I've given up or that I'm not positive about my recovery, it just means on those days I'm going to have to kick start my PMA a little more than usual. It's okay to have a 'down' day and it's okay to admit that today is one of those days.
Losing my hair isn't the worst thing in the world, I may love being bald and gettin' wiggy wit it! I just don't like the way I'm becoming bald and that's okay to feel that way! Because after all cancer does suck and there's no two ways about that!
The day of my biopsy after the radiologist Dr. told me she thought my lump looked like cancer and I had to come back after lunch for a biopsy, I went home and allowed myself a little cry. Then I put my best face on and went back for the biopsy and back to work. I didn't cry when the doctor called me with the results because I knew if I allowed myself to cry too much, I'd feel to sorry for myself.
I did however; allow myself another little cry after my birthday! I guess things sort of just hit me then after I'd had my lumpectomy and knew I was going to have to have chemotherapy. I figured I could be a little sad about turning 59 and having breast cancer! I mean here it was the first of the year and I had these great thoughts about how great a new year this was going to be. I'd been exercising, lost some weight, felt great and then wham, found out I had breast cancer.
Today has been another one of those days where I could just cry like a baby if I let myself but what good would it do? It won't stop my hair from coming out, it won't make the cancer go away and I'll still have to have chemotherapy and radiation. Maybe it's the dreary weather or the fact that I feel a little tired this weekend, but I really think it's just how it is and some days are going to be 'down' days.
This is what I realize, there are going to be days that I feel like crap either physically or mentally. That doesn't mean that I've given up or that I'm not positive about my recovery, it just means on those days I'm going to have to kick start my PMA a little more than usual. It's okay to have a 'down' day and it's okay to admit that today is one of those days.
Losing my hair isn't the worst thing in the world, I may love being bald and gettin' wiggy wit it! I just don't like the way I'm becoming bald and that's okay to feel that way! Because after all cancer does suck and there's no two ways about that!
"The Fallout!"
Ever since I knew I was going to have chemo, I've been preparing myself for "the fallout", losing my hair and being bald. Folks would say, "you may not lose your hair" but I've never known anyone who has had breast cancer and gone through chemo that didn't lose their hair, so I just accepted the fact that sooner or later I was going to be bald. I've read about it and others who've been there and done that told me that it would happen a couple weeks after my first chemo and they were all right!
At first I noticed my head was little sore, just like Tina had told me it would be then as I was brushing my hair down after taking my cap off, I noticed a few strands of my short one inch hair falling on my desk at work. That was two weeks and a day after my first chemo. Today all day long my hair has been falling out and since it's so short it's kind of like my dog Charlie when he sheds, I don't know who sheds more. I found myself raking my hair out and laughing at the pile I was making on the arm of the chair.
Getting a small ziplock bag I picked up the white pile of hair that was accumulating on the chair arm and put it in the bag. After I looked in the mirror I realized that I sort of look like a mangy dog..oh my lord, so I'll be visting Michelle's this week to get my head shaved. I wonder when the other bodily hair will start coming out? Am I going to be spared shaving my legs this summer? Whoohoo wouldn't that just be dandy?
Never mind, I'm ready for the "Fallout" I have my caps, scarves, wigs and sunscreen all lined up and ready to go! I have a very special cap to wear from my friend Len who sent me two t-shirts and a pink cap with the letters PMA (positive mental attitude)on them. A PMA is essential when you are about to find out how you look bald! Oh well hair is over rated anyway and maybe when mine comes back it will be curly and thicker!
PMA IS THE ONLY WAY!!!!
Where is spring?
You have to really love this Arkansas weather, it's 75 almost 80 degrees one day and the next it's cold and raining/sleeting/snowing! That's how life is too isn't it, we never know from one day to the next what life has in store for us. This time last year I didn't think about being a "single woman" and I certainly never thought about having breast cancer. What I did know was that I'm a survivor regardless of what I have always had to face and through my life I've always tried to stay positive no matter what may come my way. Staying positive, being strong, having faith and hope are part of my strong points and I thank my mother for her influence in my life.
It's no wonder then that I would expect that my blood counts be good as well. My friend Jimmie asked me how's your blood count and I said, "well I would expect that they would be good, because I feel too good for them not to be." They are right in the range where they should be. Of course circumstances can change and those numbers could fall, just like the crazy weather we have here, but for now, they're great! So I'll take that and hope for the best as I continue along in my treatment.
Even though that snow is pretty falling outside, I'm sure looking forward to the sping weather. What's that saying, April showers brings May flowers, mmm I LOVE FLOWERS DON'T YOU? It looks like March is bringing not only rain, wind, sunshine but snow and sleet too! Remember the words to that song.. "Sunshine Go Away Today"?
Sunshine go away today
I don't feel much like dancing (chemo day)
Some man's gone, he's tried to run my life (breast cancer)
Don't know what he's asking (have faith, hope, courage and strength?)
He tells me I'd better get in line (you need a lot of patience when you have cancer)
Can't hear what he's saying (always so much information)
When I grow up I'm going to make it mine (be cancer free)
But these aren't dues I been paying
(Chorus)
How much does it cost, I'll buy it (thank God for insurance)
The time is all we've lost, I'll try it (it takes time to recover)
But he can't even run his own life (cancer is a disease but)
I'll be damned if he'll run mine, Sunshine (I AM STRONGER)
Sunshine go away today
I don't feel much like dancing
Some man's gone he's tried to run my life
Don't know what he's asking
Working starts to make me wonder where
The fruits of what I do are going (twist and turns in the process to recover during treatment)
He says in love and war all is fair
But he's got cards he ain't showing(cancer changes us forver)
(Chorus)
(this is what I'm gonna be singing the loudest)
Sunshine come on back another day
I promise you I'll be singing(I BELIEVE, just like the necklace that Katie gave me today)
This old world, she's gonna turn around(I WILL SURVIVE!)
Brand new bells'll be ringing (and BE BETTER THAN EVER!)
Now can I get an AMEN? :)
DOCTOR DOCTOR GIVE ME THE NEWS - I GOT A NEW ATTITUDE!
My appointment today went fine, although the doctor had not received the results of the biopsy from last week nor did she had the pictures of the ultra sound to see the cyst on my ovaries. She has scheduled me for a return visit on the 30th of this month and I'll have another ultra sound that day before I see her so she can compare the two for any change. She wants to do a laproscopic hysterectomy between my chemo treatments and see if that cystic legion is cancerous so we can treat it with chemo drugs especially for that. The drugs I'm taking now does treat it but there I guess others can be combined or maybe changed to treat everything at the same time. The positive and good news, I did hear this afternoon about my cervical biopsy which is negative and the pap is negative so good news on that end.
I feel great actually, just a wee bit tired from the trip to Little Rock this morning and think that's because I got up so early to leave to beat the am traffic. Then once my appointment was over I had to go over to Baptist and get a cd of my scans to take back to the Dr.office.
I stopped at Walmart in Searcy, now that's a tiring experience in itself going to Walmart isn't it? LOL Grabbed a chicken on a stick when I got gas and headed home. My little dog Charlie was thrilled to see me cause I had new treats for him. When I come in that door with bags, I better have something in one of them for him.. LOL he's as bad as a child! This afternoon I worked out in the yard a bit picking up little limbs and sticks to get ready to mow, but then I watched the weather, it seems our pretty weather isn't going to stay around for long.
All in all it was a good day and I'm thankful for it. I started reading a book that my friend Lil' Doobie gave me, that's her nickname of course :) it's called "Chicken Soup For the Surviving Soul" it's written by a woman who is a breast cancer survivor and there's stories from other survivors, doctors, etc. You know that we often take our lives and everything for granted and it takes a devastating illness or tragedy to bring us to our knees, literally. This book is about hope and love, the two I believe are intertwined and I'm really enjoying reading this book. Sddendly every day is beautiful no matter the weather, family and friends are more precious and dear and a PMA-positive mental attitude is a awy of life and taking life for granted is no longer permitted!
Groundhog Day Effects! :)
Remember the movie "Groundhog Day? You know Bill Murray kept reliving the day over and over and over again until he was a changed man I guess and appeared to have a heart and then the spell was broken. Wouldn't it be great sometimes to be able to relive some of our days, the good ones of course over again? If we could pick and choose a day which one would you pick?
I don't think I could really choose a particular day to relive, I've had some very wonderful days in my life and a ton of them before I found out I had breast cancer. Surely I could find one of those and choose it and relive it a few times before moving into the future and the now of treatments and the waiting game of cancer, but to tell you the truth, yesterday was a brilliant day!
My visit with Lisa was great, the weather was beautiful so we got out yesterday for a ride and a little hike down to "Collins Creek" in Heber Springs. Evie, Lisa's daughter and Sullivan, my friend Katie's daughter had tons of fun exploring and climbing around on those rocks and in that cold water. It's only a short hike down to the creek from the parking area and it's such a beautiful place. I would love to have a house right down there! It's quite a popular place it seems because every time I've been there's always people, especially with kids who love to take their shoes off and play in that cold water.
After our little hike and playing in the water we came back to Batesville and ate Chinese. Katie and her husband Shane met us at the Chinese restaurant to pick up Sullivan who had spent the nite with Evie. They had become fast friends and just couldn't be pulled apart on the nite before. My house was alive with the sounds of two precocious girls bouncing all around the house. Charlie, my dog, loved it but he was absolutely worn out as was I. At the end of the day I realized that I'm too old for children on a daily basis but, it was a lovely day and I wouldn't mind reliving that one again.
I changed my mind this afternoon and decided to drive down to Little Rock in the morning. It seems I've developed one of the side effects that I'd rather not talk about but let's just say I wouldn't want to be out on the highway too far from as the English say A LOO! Let's hope the Imodium AD works well by the time I have to leave in the morning. Can't wait to get this appointment over with tomorrow so I'll be back here after that and who knows it may be possible that I will actually know something more about that dang cyst problem! I'm not gonna hold my breath though!
TGIF---Yeah buddy!
It doesn't matter what you do for work if you have the weekend off, TGIF is a time for celebration! I'm celebrating because I've had a good week, felt good, no major aches or pains and still no nausea. I think that's something to write home about or in my case write in this blog!
I'm also excited because my dear friend from Memphis, Lisa and her daughter Evie will be here for the weekend. In fact they should be here within the hour. The last time I saw Lisa was three years ago so we have so much to catch up on. We met in church and we worked in the senior program there together, we had a lot of fun back in the day. Then she met an Englishman, married him and moved to the UK. I guess I must have really envied and missed her a lot because I followed right in her footsteps.
When I got married over there Lisa was my only friend there and it was wonderful to have her there. I used to ride the train up to visit her and it was a great adventure. She returned with her husband Simon, to Memphis though before I did but again it wasn't long before I returned back to the states as well. I moved back to Arkansas though instead of back to Memphis. That was 9 years ago and we've only seen each other a couple times since then. I just know this is going to be a wonderful weekend.
Sunday afternoon I'll be going to Little Rock to spend the nite with another friend, Debbie who I went to school with. I have an appoitment with Pamela Stone the OBGYN Onoclogist Surgeon on Monday morning at 9am and I need to be there by 8:30am. Since it's a little over an hour and half drive it makes sense to go the nite before. Again I find that our friends and family are the most important things in our lives and altough we could survive without them, it would be a very lonely and sad existance and I am so very thankful for all my family and friends.
So yipeee it's Friday, the weekend, let's celebrate! whoooohoooo!!!!!
Hump Day!
Hump day, mmm interesting saying isn't it? So today I'm feeling fine actually and that after the hump day, things will be even better. I have felt a just a little achy thing here and there and that's about it. Maybe that Neulasta shot is worth the money.
Can you believe that shot cost 3800 dollars wholesale? What the heck does it have in there, Debbie said to make sure that the needle had a gold tip when they gave it to me at that price!
I go tomorrow to the vampire to drain my blood for the cbc count. Of course we're so far out here in the sticks at Batesville that they have to send the blood to Little Rock or Jonesboro first. Now really I don't guess Batesville is in the sticks, it just seems so isolated sometimes from everywhere because it's in a hole. It's really a beautiful little town and I shouldn't complain, but hey I want to it makes me feel better so I will!
Now that I got that out of my system, I can go to bed and feel relief! I'm so glad I had this time to share my frustration with you all! I tried yelling at my husband but I forgot I don't have one, I guess that chemo brain has already set in... I need to put that down for further reference. I DON'T HAVE A HUSBAND TO YELL AT..........STOP BEFORE YOU GET LARYNGITIS!
Can you believe that shot cost 3800 dollars wholesale? What the heck does it have in there, Debbie said to make sure that the needle had a gold tip when they gave it to me at that price!
I go tomorrow to the vampire to drain my blood for the cbc count. Of course we're so far out here in the sticks at Batesville that they have to send the blood to Little Rock or Jonesboro first. Now really I don't guess Batesville is in the sticks, it just seems so isolated sometimes from everywhere because it's in a hole. It's really a beautiful little town and I shouldn't complain, but hey I want to it makes me feel better so I will!
Now that I got that out of my system, I can go to bed and feel relief! I'm so glad I had this time to share my frustration with you all! I tried yelling at my husband but I forgot I don't have one, I guess that chemo brain has already set in... I need to put that down for further reference. I DON'T HAVE A HUSBAND TO YELL AT..........STOP BEFORE YOU GET LARYNGITIS!
The Green Wig
Ray a volunteer and a cancer survivor.
My friend Katie's mother Barbara is a cancer survivor and when she found out I had breast cancer she asked Katie if she thought I would wear the "green wig". Katie said, Sandra, OH YEAH.. and Katie as well as Barbara told me the story of the lucky green wig. Two other women besides Barbara have worn this wig to treatments and they are all now survivors so it's considered to be a 'lucky green wig'..... so even though I haven't lost my hair yet, I did promise Barbara that I would wear the wig to my treatments and I promised Michelle that I would wear the cap as well. I added a pink ribbon pin that my friend Karen gave me and today I added another ribbon pin that the "hippie" Joanie another friend from work gave me.
Ouch I don't like biopsies!
"Good morning Ms Lyons, I'm Dr. Jones" and I'm gonna hurt you"! Now if I had heard my doctor say that I would have run like hell out of that office but of course he didn't say that so I didn't run. In hind site, I should have! Because let me tell you, if you've never had the experience of having a cervical biopsy, you haven't lived! True it doesn't take too long and the excruciating pain only last for a few minutes but you're still laying there naked, feet in stirrups and it feels like your insides are being pulled out! Men just don't have a clue what we women have to go through, now I know they will argue that they have to have their prostate checked, so what! We have to have that back end part checked too and that's after the cold steel spreads and plucks away on our female parts. Phew! I'm glad that is over and let me get my clothes on and out of this office as fast as my feet will take me!
Having said all that what I found out is that I have to see another oncologist because doc Jones feels it's better for me since the cystic legion on my ovary is questionable and the only way to find out if it's a malignant type legion is by taking out the old ovaries. Of course that can't be done until I finish my chemo treatments but doc Jones says this other doctor can keep an eye on the area and be ready to go with surgery when I am finished with chemo.
Now I know EXACTLY the same thing that I knew before I went to the doctor this morning that the cystic legion could or could not be cancerous but because of my history of cancer, (this recent breast cancer is my history) the type of legion and the blood work that is in the gray area, the best course of action according to doc Jones is to see a oncologist surgeon who specializes in this area. I'll see him Monday morning and don't you know I just can't wait to heist my legs up in those stirrups again!!!!
I'm happy to report that I ate a whopper after my doctor visit this morning! It was sloppy and along with those fries and coke it was just what I ORDERED! Bet you thought I was gonna say what the doctor ordered.. hmmm no he ordered a painful biopsy, I'll take a whopper anyday! LOL Stay tuned more adventures on the way!
Having said all that what I found out is that I have to see another oncologist because doc Jones feels it's better for me since the cystic legion on my ovary is questionable and the only way to find out if it's a malignant type legion is by taking out the old ovaries. Of course that can't be done until I finish my chemo treatments but doc Jones says this other doctor can keep an eye on the area and be ready to go with surgery when I am finished with chemo.
Now I know EXACTLY the same thing that I knew before I went to the doctor this morning that the cystic legion could or could not be cancerous but because of my history of cancer, (this recent breast cancer is my history) the type of legion and the blood work that is in the gray area, the best course of action according to doc Jones is to see a oncologist surgeon who specializes in this area. I'll see him Monday morning and don't you know I just can't wait to heist my legs up in those stirrups again!!!!
I'm happy to report that I ate a whopper after my doctor visit this morning! It was sloppy and along with those fries and coke it was just what I ORDERED! Bet you thought I was gonna say what the doctor ordered.. hmmm no he ordered a painful biopsy, I'll take a whopper anyday! LOL Stay tuned more adventures on the way!
Monday Monday!
It was hard to drag myself out of bed this morning, but I did manage to get into work for a little while today although I felt very fuzzy headed and tired. So I came home early and slept all afternoon. I do feel better today, no bad aches or pains just feeling a little tired. All in all a pretty good Monday!
I'll be glad to get tomorrow over with don't ya know going to see that gynecologist. I was only kidding about the 20 pages I had to fill out but there was about 6 of them and a medication sheet. Seems like my life is an open book right now so I hope it's at least a little interesting and amusing.
Time to do something really useful and watch some TV. More another time!
I'll be glad to get tomorrow over with don't ya know going to see that gynecologist. I was only kidding about the 20 pages I had to fill out but there was about 6 of them and a medication sheet. Seems like my life is an open book right now so I hope it's at least a little interesting and amusing.
Time to do something really useful and watch some TV. More another time!
THEM BONES THEM BONES THEM ACHY BONES!
Well it's day 3 after my first chemo treatment and what can I say? The nausea meds are wonderful because I have not been sick or nauseated at all and for that I am very thankful. I can tell you this though, every bone in my body aches, my teeth hurt, throat aches, headaches, ears ache and Tylenol and my heating pad are my best friends right now. These are some of the side effects that I've read could happen with chemo and also with the Neulasta. They do come and go at least from one part of the body to the other so everything doesn't hurt all at once, well so far it hasn't.
Mom went home this afternoon after all the snow melted. She was going to go home yesterday but it started snowing and so instead we went to the Southend Grill for lunch. We celebrated her birthday and mine since we haven't had a chance to do that. It was great to have her here with me for a few days. So now I guess it's time to try and get back to normal and think about going to work tomorrow.
Tuesday I have to see the gynecologist about the cysts on my ovaries and in the meantime fill out this 20 page medical history that I got in the mail from him. I'm glad they sent it to me to do at home I'd be in that office all day if I had to fill those papers out Tuesday. Okay I guess maybe I should do something productive like start on those papers...mmmm maybe I will after a nap!
Mom went home this afternoon after all the snow melted. She was going to go home yesterday but it started snowing and so instead we went to the Southend Grill for lunch. We celebrated her birthday and mine since we haven't had a chance to do that. It was great to have her here with me for a few days. So now I guess it's time to try and get back to normal and think about going to work tomorrow.
Tuesday I have to see the gynecologist about the cysts on my ovaries and in the meantime fill out this 20 page medical history that I got in the mail from him. I'm glad they sent it to me to do at home I'd be in that office all day if I had to fill those papers out Tuesday. Okay I guess maybe I should do something productive like start on those papers...mmmm maybe I will after a nap!
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