Get Wiggy Wit it!

Today my hair continues to fall like snow and I'm really looking like a mangy dog! I would cry but that would only make me feel worse so I just keep thinking about how fun it's going to be to wear all those wigs, scarves, caps and hats! I know I have a long way to go in my recovery and up until now I've only shed a few tears, so I just don't see any reason to start now.

The day of my biopsy after the radiologist Dr. told me she thought my lump looked like cancer and I had to come back after lunch for a biopsy, I went home and allowed myself a little cry. Then I put my best face on and went back for the biopsy and back to work. I didn't cry when the doctor called me with the results because I knew if I allowed myself to cry too much, I'd feel to sorry for myself.

I did however; allow myself another little cry after my birthday! I guess things sort of just hit me then after I'd had my lumpectomy and knew I was going to have to have chemotherapy. I figured I could be a little sad about turning 59 and having breast cancer! I mean here it was the first of the year and I had these great thoughts about how great a new year this was going to be. I'd been exercising, lost some weight, felt great and then wham, found out I had breast cancer.

Today has been another one of those days where I could just cry like a baby if I let myself but what good would it do? It won't stop my hair from coming out, it won't make the cancer go away and I'll still have to have chemotherapy and radiation. Maybe it's the dreary weather or the fact that I feel a little tired this weekend, but I really think it's just how it is and some days are going to be 'down' days.

This is what I realize, there are going to be days that I feel like crap either physically or mentally. That doesn't mean that I've given up or that I'm not positive about my recovery, it just means on those days I'm going to have to kick start my PMA a little more than usual. It's okay to have a 'down' day and it's okay to admit that today is one of those days.

Losing my hair isn't the worst thing in the world, I may love being bald and gettin' wiggy wit it! I just don't like the way I'm becoming bald and that's okay to feel that way! Because after all cancer does suck and there's no two ways about that!