OH NO! I'VE GOT BREAST CANCER!

Have you ever wondered how you'd feel if you were told that you had cancer, especially breast cancer? Well I found out today that I have breast cancer, invasive and high grade! (I wouldn't have any other kind lol) I was relieved to find out that even though it was bad news, it wasn't the worst it could be and is treatable and there is a high survival rate for what I have.

I've been a big gal all my life and my weight has gone up and down like a yo yo and so have my boobs! LOL I've lost 50 pounds in the past 6 months so the boobs are of course smaller than they were. When I found the lump last week I tired to convence myself that it wasn't anything to be concerned about. But I had this feeling in my gut that it was more than just a harmless lump. After a breast examination by my doctor and his voice of concern, I ws even more sure that something was up.

Yesterday I had the dreaded diagnostic mammogram, then we moved into the ultra sound room and the Dr. from radiology came in and said she thought it was a cancer and gave me some options. I chose to have a biopsy to know for sure what it was. Today my fears were confirmed it is cancer.

So how did I react? Yesterday I was filled with fear and felt pretty much alone. I didn't know who to tell or what to tell and I barely slept thinking about it.. I just wanted to know. I guess we reach out to those we think will care about us first or those we care about. So that's exactly what I did, I just started emailing, calling and telling everyone....well not my mother. I'm not ready for that yet.

Today my email box was full of best wishes and offers of help to be there for me no matter what I have to go through and my friends at work have all been wonderful. Whatever I have to go through now I know that I won't have to do it alone and I know that when I have to start treatments in Little Rock I have those who will go with me and hold my hand or a trash can for me if I need it.

I've always joked about shaving my head to see how I'd look bald, looks like I might find out! LOL And if I gotta loose these boobs, I'm thinking Dolly Parton! LOL What ya think?

I plan on writing about my experiences here since I do believe it's great therapy to write down your feelings.. so thanks for letting me share my journey to recovery with you.

1/14/09