Holiday Cheer and welcome the New Year!

Just the other day after someone mentioned it, I realized that we were heading into a new decade! I've been concentrating so much on just another new year and sixty years of being here on this planet for me that I didn't even conceive of the idea of another ten years. It certainly doesn't seem like ten years since all the world was waiting to see what would happen with the Y2K thing. All around the world on New Year's Ever celebrations like never before were going on and I watched them all day on the telly from our flat in Harlow, Essex, UK. The fireworks were beautiful, computers didn't crash, the world didn't go offline and all was well with the world.

One thing is for sure I never gave having breast cancer a second thought ten years ago. No one in my family had ever had it well not on my side of the family. The other side, my sister-in-law Jeanie's family is one of those families that has carried the breast cancer gene through several generations. Chemotherapy is not fun these days but back thirty years ago poor Jeanie was in bed for days after a treatment. With all her pain and illness she showed me what a positive attitude and faith can do.

Many years later her daughter, Tina would face the same challenge and with two active young sons and a full time job, she didn't have time to be sick. I'm not sure how many of the women in that family have had breast cancer but they have a saying "it's not if I have breast cancer, but when." These brave women are and have been my inspiration for years and so when I was diagnosed I knew that the only thing I could do was do what the "Tarkington" women do and be tough, strong, have faith and a positive attitude. That has been the 'key' to my recovery this year and so I would like to say a special thank you to those special ladies, you are wonderful and I love you.

Now on to the new year and new beginnings, my scans are all clear, my port is out and my energy level is almost back to 'normal' if there can ever be 'normal' after going through breast cancer. I'm looking forward to celebrating life on this earth for sixty years in February. I do have to admit that there have been some times during the holidays that I've been a little depressed because I am alone but those times haven't lasted long when I am reminded of my lovable family and my awesome friends, how could I be sad and lonely.

Christmas was great and I can almost breath the new year. I haven't made any resolutions because I always break them, but I do hope and pray for a healthier, happier new year for myself and for all my sistas who are fighting the battle, we are warriors and we can fight like girls!

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND GOD BLESS YOU!

Happy Thanksgiving

Well here it is only a few days left until Turkey Day! I can remember a few Thanksgivings that my family didn't eat turkey, we had tacos, chili, or catfish. It doesn't matter exactly what you have to eat on Thanksgiving does it, it's being thankful for having the food on the table but more importantly, having the family and friends at the table.

This year I do have so much for which to be thankful. Life, I can honestly say is what I am most thankful for this year. Not just mine but those of my family and friends that I hold so dear in my heart. There's nothing like a little thing called cancer that will wake us up and remind us how precious life is and that we are only here for a short lifetime regardless of how long we live. Let me tell you, the older you get the shorter your lifetime. So I'm very excited about this Thanksgiving and the holiday season and I certainly intend to enjoy everything! The family, the food, the singing, sharing laughs and making memories.

After Thanksgiving I'll be ready to turn my Christmas lights on. I worked last weekend on getting them up and it wasn't too big a mess or there weren't too many lights that didn't work. I'm so glad that I have the energy to get them up and ready. I just love everything about Christmas. But I can tell you I won't be one of those wild crazy shoppers on Black Friday. I'll be eating leftovers at my mom's, I'm crazy but not that crazy LOL and I'll be getting ready to have my port removed on Monday the 30th.

I'll really be glad to get the port out. I'm praying, hoping and thinking positive that I will never need one again and I just don't want to spend a year or two going every month to have it flushed. It would seem to me that I was always having some kind of treatment. So getting the port out and having clear scans by the end of the year will be like the best Christmas present I could have. Of course if anyone has loads of money that they don't need and want to send me on a two week vacation to some tropical island, that would be a great gift as well! :) Really though, I'm just so thankful and happy to be sitting here writing this blog and sharing my thoughts.

Have a wonderful Happy Thanksgiving, enjoy, no matter what's on the table!

The Calm After The Storm

It has been awhile since my last post and I have to admit, I've just been lazy and not quite sure what to write. I finished my radiation and my burns have healed, I'm beginning to feel more energetic and I'll have a mammogram at the end of the month.
The only real side effect of the Femera seems to be night sweats at least so far that's all I've noticed.

It doesn't seem like 10 months since I started this journey but it was exactly 10 months ago today that I was diagnosed and of course my life hasn't and never will be the same. After the mammogram I'll see Dr. Hagans, the breast surgeon again. Normally I would dread a mammogram and it's not that I'm looking forward to it, I'm just looking forward to hearing that everything is clear, at least that what I'm hoping and praying for.

I still have my infusion port but my cancer doctor has given me clearance to have it removed before the first of the year. Normally she likes to keep them in a year or two but they have to be flushed every month and that does get expensive. We're thinking positive and hoping I never need another one. Dr. Hagans who also placed my port said on my last visit that it was a little loose anyway. So when I see him the first of November we'll set a date to take that sucker outta there. In December I'll have my six month scans as well.

Isn't it amazing that 2010 is right around the corner? Before we know it the holidays will be here and we'll be making busy making plans. I'm looking forward to having hair again for Christmas...I'll be singing all I want for Christmas is a full head of hair, instead of my two front teeth. LOL No matter what the rest of the year brings, I'm thankful to be finished with all my treatments and to feel better, but I'll never take life for granted again!

And it burns burns burns, that radiation burns!

Since my last post I've had 14 more radiation treatments. Today I had the last one to the overall breast and underarm area and tomorrow I will have either 8 or 10 what they call "booster" treatments to the tumor area on my breast. So I am near the end of my treatments and can now say that yes radiation treatment burns.

A couple weeks ago I noticed that my under arm was feeling more sensitive than normal, you know after lymph node removal you have that numb sensitive feeling. Then last week I noticed that my breast and under arm was starting to get a little red and by the weekend feeling a even more tender. Since I didn't know what to use on it I just used the Udderly Smooth cream and that seemed to soothe it pretty much. That is until Monday morning when I woke up with this aching hot raw skin under my arm.

When I went Monday to have my treatment the doctor looked at it and said yes that looks pretty painful but said I would be getting relief from that area when my booster treatments started in two days. The radiation techs wrote down the name of a cream, Lidocane plus extra strength, and said a lot of people use it and say it's very good. It does seem to soothe and make it feel better but knowing that the radiation is still working in my body makes me wonder just how much worse this burn is going to get before it heals.

I've never really been badly sunburned in my life so I can't even relate to that; however, I've seen some pretty bad sunburns before. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't under my arm right in the bend and of course where skin rubs skin. I keep telling myself though that this will heal, I only have a few more treatments to go and then it will all be over and in a couple months I'll be good as new.

Never will I ever say, I'll be back to normal because after cancer your life is never back to normal. There are cancer free months or years but how can you ever be the same after going through everything that goes with cancer treatment? It changes you not only physically but mentally as well. So I'll just say that I can look forward to not being in treatment and getting my hair back, my strength back and not having to plan my life around my cancer treatments.

Life is good even when we have to suffer and go through pain, there is hope and healing in the end.

Radiation

Today I had my 11th radiation treatment. Everyone keeps asking me how I feel and if the radiation makes me tired or if there are any bad side effects. In all honesty I really have to say that I don't know. The doctor said it might make me feel tired. Well I felt tired before I started radiation because I had just finished my chemo treatments and had a hysterectomy. He also said there might be some redness or blistering of the skin in the breast area or under my arm. That hasn't happened yet so hopefully that won't be a problem. So all in all I guess radiation is a 'piece of cake' compared to chemo, so whoever it was that told me that, they were right.

I have 22 more treatments to complete this phase of my recovery and then I'll see Dr. Harrington again. After that I should only have to see her about every 3 months for a year or so. I also will have another mammogram in September and see Dr. Hagans my breast surgeon and then I don't know how often I will have to see him for checkups and mammograms. It does at last feel like I can actually almost touch the light at the end of the tunnel. This is a great feeling and I am hoping and praying that things continue to go well and that the cancer stays gone!

Really I'm actually feeling pretty good even though I still have a low energy level. Last week I had a stomach bug and I was so sick. As I was sitting on the throne with a trash can in my arms, sweating like crazy, I thought how ironic that I went through chemo and was never sick. I was also reminded of how fortunate I was to have gone through all my chemo treatments without being sick because I know there are a lot of folks who have been very ill during theirs.

All in all life is good and I'm happy to be in it!

PS: The cyst did have a tumor which was a low grade stage one cancer and since all they do for stage one is to remove it, I don't need any further treatment for that. So I never have to see that Dr. again. Hallejuhah!

Spider surgery! It's over! Yippee!!

Hello all! Well surgery is over, I'm doing great just a bit sore but Dr. Stone used the Da Vinci Robotic system to do the surgery so I'm actually doing great! The anesthesiologist said he was using the Michael Jackson drug to put me to sleep but he knew what he was doing. LOL I found that reassuring. He was such a happy guy when he came into the room I asked him if he'd been on the gas himself. I did get to see the robot machine but it was up against the wall so of course I didn't get to see it in action. As soon as I saw my doctors face I was a gonner and woke up 4 hours later in recovery. It took 4 hours to do the surgery, but the nurse was telling us that when they first started using the system it took 13 hours. She told me this because she said they tilt you up with your head down and that I might have some swelling in my face so not to be alarmed. It's amazing what you can learn if you ask questions! LOL

The questionable cyst was sent off to pathology and I'll know the results when I go back for my follow up on July 20th, but everything else in the area there looked good and was clear of disease. I spent the nite in the hospital and the highlight of the evening was when my friend Debbie came to visit and pick up mom.

Her and my mother were discussing the way the room was setup. Since the hospital has now gone to all private rooms, in the old part of the hospital, which is where I was, the rooms now only have one bed. Well the bed was near the window and mom and Debbie discussed how it would be much better for me if the bed was on the other side of the room and it would also make it easier for any visitors. Debbie is one of those people who needs to be doing something and I could tell it was really bothering her, so I asked her if she wanted rearrange the room and she said yes she did. So I got up and her and mom rearranged the room. There was a buzzing that wouldn't stop after they got everything changed so I called the nurse, but we realized before she got there that it was the bed buzzing because it had not been locked.

When the nurse walked in she just cracked up but did say that it was much better that way. In fact every nurse or anyone who came in that worked there made comments about how much better the room was. I tried to catch the action on my camera on video but because I was so loopy on all the meds I didn't manage to get it done. It was really entertaining though watching them unplug this and that and I decided if you ever need a room rearranged or decorated, call Debbie, she can get it done!

Now as I wait to hear about the results of the biopsies, I'll go Monday the 13th to be molded, marked and ct scanned to start my radiation on Wednesday. I'll have 33 treatments so if I don't have to miss any, I should be finished by the end of August. One more step is complete in my road to recovery and I start the last Wednesday. I'm feeling good even with my sore belly and as always, thankful for your prayers and support.

Clear Scans and blue skies!

Wednesday I went to see Dr. Harrington my oncologist for the results of my scans on Monday June 29th. The last ones had been clear so I was hoping that these would too and they were. I didn't sleep much the night before. I didn't have to go there for another chemo treatment and that was great, but even though I had a positive feeling about the scans, hearing the all clear from the doctor was what I was waiting for.

It's been 3 and half weeks since my last chemo and I'm beginning to get some strength back. I don't feel as tired and I'm not as short of breath. I can actually walk out to my mailbox and back without feeling exhausted! At the end of my work day I don't feel as tired and I even drove a van full of clients to Little Rock last week which I haven't been able to do since about the middle of my chemo. I have stubbles on my head so my hair is beginning to grow back but it will be awhile before you can actually see any.

Tomorrow I go to Little Rock to UAMS for my pre operation work and test for my hysterectomy on Thursday. Even though the doctors think the cyst on my ovary is most likely just a cyst, there is a small chance that it could be cancer. The waiting is agonizing and so I'll be so glad to get this over with and of course to hear the ALL CLEAR on that end too, literally! LOL

There going to do robotic surgery hopefully which is less invasive, shorter hospital stay, only over night, and less recovery time. The doctor said it looks like a big ol spider, but assured me they wouldn't just program the robot and leave and go to lunch. I told her it was good thing because I didn't want it looking for a prostate!

So so far I've got clear scans and blue skies and I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY WEEKEND!
I'm thankful for the men and women through the years who fought to make our country free!